A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi ,Here's a question for all you guys and girls. Whats the best way of revenge on an ex. My girlfriend of two years who I was extremely loyal and faithful to had an affair with two different guys. I don't mean just sex ... she was in an emotional relationship as well and fell in love with them . We've always been inseparable and I loved her very much. She ( and the guys ) have absolutely devastated me . I am recovering slowly but I was a mess. The hardest thing was the way she lied to me . Now I am so angry , I feel as if I need to retain my dignity and pride. What should I do to make them feel the pain they put me through . Don't worry I'm not a crazed psycho . I am a normal guy who is very hurt and angry and in a lot of pain . I've never been through this in my life. How can I get on with my life if I don't get even in some way . Any ideas?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Good for you to move on with some dignity and grace. Get some friends to help so moving out goes very quickly. You can write a letter to her, maybe better than an email, as she could forward that all over really easily. I personally would simply say, "you cheated and lied, I'm done."
Best of luck for the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys . that helped loads. I think I'll send her an e mail and move out. Onwards and upwards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Grow up. Get some self respect and handle it like an adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I'm the poster of ~Here Today. Gone Tomorrow.~
Correction: Life is **FINITE** not infinite...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): ~Here Today. Gone Tomorrow~
I can't help but to feel sorrow for you. Do you not Love yourself?
Life is infinite.
Yesterday you breathed. This moment you breathe. Do you know with certainty that you will breathe in one hour?
Enough already! Okay?
Life happens...some sweet...some sour...and...some indifferent.
Revenge is nothing more than a romance with self-absorbed Bitterness behind your inability to find love and happiness within yourself and so you displace your self-hatred onto one who does love himself and so doesn't depend on your existence to embrace, appreciate and cherish each and every blessing of his past and current moment of breath.
Please...look in the mirror and you will see a beautiful, precious, invaluable life who can feel no better love than from the blessed soul who reflects back at You.
My heart goes out to you.
~THE SOLUTION...LOVE YOU~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Best revenge is to forgive and move on. The hurt you carry will only make your next relationship sour. To forgive is for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I think the best way to get revenge is to move on and get over it. Nothing hurts more than knowing that someone doesn't care about you anymore. Nothing. Few things hurt more than when you have mistreated someone and they not only moved on but have become even more outstanding than when you knew them. When you mistreated them and took them for granted and they came out of it stronger and better than ever. Deep down she knows she doesn't deserve you. It is only when she sees that you also know that she doesn't deserve you that she will feel the sting. And the best way to show her that is simply to move on.
Purposely getting revenge (eg basically trying to get her attention in some way) is a very transparent ploy. She will see right through it. That's only going to reassure her that you still care. And that is the last thing you want to do. So just stop thinking about her. Instead focus on challenging yourself in other ways. Work out, get in good shape. Get that job you always wanted. Get educated. Travel. Meet other girls. Eventually get a girlfriend. Never fails, that is the best revenge. Karma will come back to her. Soon enough you will realise that she means nothing and you are so better off. And she will regret her actions. Be proud, have dignity. You are worth more than that. Remember the opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. The best revenge is to give her a big dose of indifference. And that's that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I had something similar happen to me,although it wasnt to guys,thats bad. I caught her sending inappropriate messages to this guy, a work colleague,although nothing physical happend between them,it was only a matter of time,because they were organizing to meet up, alone that weekend, for the 1st time,i read it in her messages and alot of other sexual messages.This started a month before i found out,she was kinda acting wierd towards me in that time,but i just shrugged it off. Luckily i found out what was going on & left her,with my pride & dignity still kinda intact.She couldnt even give me a reason as to why she was doing this.The 'revenge' i took was just to totally erase her from my life,photos,gifts etc got rid of them.She tried to contact me for a week after we broke up,text messages & phone calls i just ignored. 2 months later i saw her in the mall with her friends,she didnt know how to react,she made a point to greet me in front of her friends,but i flat out ignored her & walked pass her as if i didnt know her,she greeted again louder,coz she thought i didnt hear,but i just walked on.That night she text me,but i didnt reply.Anyway her & that guy didnt last 2 months.Shes now single & unemployed. Dont get me wrong, i dont hate her,she was a nice girl,but what you sow,you reap,karma's a bitch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Do what ever makes YOU feel better. Tell her to go f**k herself if it makes you feel better, write her a letter, move house, find another women - what ever it takes. You are way to good for her. One day, and I hope one day soon, she will realise she has lost a good, loving caring man and he best thing that ever happened to her. Always rememeber - what goes around , comes aounrd. Just sit back and watch... she'll call you up when she realises the truth, and by that time, you;ll be up, up and away. !! I wish you happiness, and hope you meet a nice girl that deserves you. :o) xxxx
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
You want to retain your dignity and pride, right? Well the best way to do that is move on. You already have your dignity and pride by letting it go. It may suck a ton right now, feeling like you should get revenge, but I guarantee you'll thank yourself for being the better man later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): All you would do by trying to take revenge would be to stir up bad feeling for yourself. Better to try and move on so that your head is not full of her and you can forget. Trying to get revenge would just drag out your suffering. And it would come back on you, it always does.
So although it hurts, use your energy to make yourself feel better - find constructive ways of doing this such as getting support from family and friends, going out, meeting new people, doing new things.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
You can't teach life lessons to people who are selfish and oblivious. It's like hitting your head on a blockwall. It's a waste of your time and energy to try. Your anger is justified but continuing to fan its flames and amplifying it will ultimately be unhealthy for you.
Fantasize a revenge, conduct a ritual purging of her from your life, then go on and live well.
Living well is the best revenge, the old saying tells us. Your dignity and pride will be shown in their best light by you living life like a gentleman and honorable person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): When someone betrays you and breaks your heart, emotions run high and you're not always thinking clearly.
Getting revenge will definitely NOT help you "to retain my dignity and pride" though. Don't become a Captain Ahab, consumed by revenge and hate. She doesn't sound worth it anyway, from what you say. Besides, nothing you do will cause HER pain. Pity perhaps, but is that what you want? She's already demonstrated that she doesn't care about you.
If you feel emotionally detached enough now to give your ex a few home truths, and it will help you get closure, then perhaps consider it. Perhaps write her a letter and be done with it. You may decide against posting it, once you read it through...
Focus on healing yourself, not trying to hurt her. And that measn moving on with your life.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I concur with the other aunt and uncle. You said you want to maintain your dignity and pride. To do that, you must stay above what your girlfriend did. I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, but to "get back" at her truly only lowers you to her level. The best way to get even is to be good to yourself, and find happiness. I know it might sound ridiculous right now when you are hurting, but if you get revenge, it won't really make you feel better in the long run. Perhaps for a little while, but you sound like a nice guy and I have a strong feeling later on you would regret doing something. Please take care of yourself, get strong. And don't worry...karma can be pretty swift. You don't need to do a thing honestly darlin', just sit back and watch. Cheaters always get back what they gave out...trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes the best revenge is to get on with your life and be happy. Let her see you can live without her and you are absolutely ok. You are not going to crumble. Anything else looks as if you still care (although, of course, inside you may still do for a time). But appearences are everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Revenge isnt worth the hassle, the best way forward is to settle down, maybe take some time on your own. Let her know in a text that you are let down and let her know that you could have been happier by now had she said to you wen she first started having the affair. There is no need to get even or dish out any revenge this would show a childish side to you that would only give her more reason to think what she did was right. You dont want this. Settle down, take time, play a game, listen to your fave music or even go out with your friends and try to meet some new people. life goes on and despite all that she has done to you, the best you can do is move on and dont dwell on the past. hope this helps. Be the better person :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): The best way to get revenge is to move on and be happy as soon as possible. The sooner you move on and are over her the better revenge that will be.
That's how you get revenge, nobody like seeing their ex moving on and being happy. That really is the best revenge, for an ex to see you like that can really crush them and make them feel jealous.
How do you get on with your life? By realizing that is the best possible revenge. It really is. Trust me, it can be really painful to see that an ex has moved on, even if you were the one that broke up with them.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I bet you look pretty good now. And somewhere out there a great girl is waiting for you.
However don't waste time on revenge, for it will eat you up.
Take the high road. Think about how you can improve your career prospects. Improve your mind with more reading. Get into the gym. Get that body fitter and more flexible than it already is. Do things that will uplift you and help you grow and develop. The best revenge is always to improve the product (you) so much that it is she who will regret ever doing the wrong thing by you.
Later on you will look back on this phase and realise how lucky you are that you no longer have a woman who could not recognise your true worth.
revenge is ti create a plan and develop
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