A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I first saw him three year ago, I thought he was the most handsome man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. He was charming. Very loving and caring. I thought because it’s a new love, he’s trying to charm me and after some time in our relationship, things will change. No more trying to impress.Was I wrong to think like that? Yes, it turned out that two year in our relationship, he was still the same. Charming, caring and loving. Most of it all, he had time for me. Lots of it even thought we were staying 200km away. I have never suspected that he’s cheating. In fact, I have never found anything in his house that suggests that he might be seeing someone else. He would even leave his phone when he goes to the shop. He would answer it in front of me and when he gets sms, he would not hide it from me. I trusted him. He likes travelling so he would take me along and I enjoyed our trips in different places. We had our differences here and there just like all relationships but we always managed to talk about them. He has this short temper that is always at the centre of our problem. I must say even with this temper, he has never laid his hands on me nor verbally abused me.Then the worst day in our lives came. We had a disagreement during our recent trip. I was not happy at all about the trip. I did not speak to him about it and I think he never had a clue that I was not happy. I went back to my place after spending time with and still didn’t say anything about the trip. We communicated as usually by phone and e-mails but still didn’t say anything. After work, I went home and I thought hard about what had happened on our trip and came to the conclusion that we both need space. The following day, I sent him an e-mail telling him that “he must not call me until further notice”. He responded by saying that “Ok, I guess it’s over. He did not call me to find out what led me to come to the conclusion that “we need we need space”.Eventually he called me to find out what was happening and before I could explain, his shorter temper got hold of him and suggested that if I want to end the relationship, I must have guts to say it instead of hiding behind “need space” nonsense. We ended it right there. Five minutes after our conversation, I got a shock of my life when he sent me a sms. He insulted me, calling me names such as gold digger and bitch and whore. He went on even insulting my family. He used things I told him about me to insult me. I have never felt so insulted in my life. Three days after those horrible sms, he sent me another one. This time it was not insults. He was apologizing saying that he reacted with anger and was not thinking properly. The following day, he called me and he cried and apologized over and over again. He told me that he is seeing a professional to help him deal with his short temper. He is even going to church now. Something he’s never been fond of. Since then, we have been talking and asking me to give our relationship a second chance. He says he will never do it again. They (men) all say that. But with him, he has seen his faults and is doing something (counseling) about it. I still love him but the pain he caused me is too deep.I am so confused right now. Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): The first step to fixing a problem, is identifying it...he has done this and I commend him for it. He sounds like a real nice man and has given you no other reason to break it off (that we know of) and it sounds like he was rather blind-sighted by you pushing him away, I think he reacted to the hurt he was feeling...he respected your request for 'time out' and he is doing something about his temper, I don't know what else someone could possibly do to show how much he loves you. Talk to him about the hurtful things said, and be prepared to hear hurt from his side as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Catch a wake up call girl. He defaulted, as many other people under such conditions. He's doing something about it.He has never cheated on you, beat you up and most importantly, he has time for you. I say give him a chance.
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