A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I left my boyfriend 6 months ago after 4 years as he didn't want the same things as me i.e. I wanted kids and to get married he didn't. I meet someone else and have been living with them for 2 months I've had no contact with my ex as I've ignored any emails and changed my phone number but he's always tried to email me and has begged me to go back to him for 6 months in his messages. I really loved him and well thought he was the one to marry and settle with. He really hurt me when I found out he had been emailing some older woman begging her for sex ( I read the emails)but swears he is a changed man. He is still single and says he just waiting for me to go back if I can ever forgive him. I have forgiven him and have realised after living with my new man just how much I'm still in love with him. I feel bad for being with someone and still being in love with my ex so I've tried asking my new boyfriend to leave until I sort my head out as he has moved in with me. But he is reluctant to go as he says he loves me, I've just come to stay with relatives for a week to get away from it all. Am I a fool . . . . to myself be honest! How can I explain to my new man I don't love him and things have happen to soon and that I need him to leave.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Are you sure he doesn't just want what he cannot have? Some people only become interested in their partners once they lose them. They are usually people who don't know much what they want and don't know much about relationships either. Whether this interest and commitment from him will last, only you can appreciate. There is the risk that he goes off the rails again once things became old and familiar again. What caused the cheating from his behalf? How well do you know him? And then... he could propose to you to push your return to him but not be happy with it if he isn't truly prepaired or desireous of more. And I can't bet he is all that. I would be very cautious and analyse my steps very well here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Perhaps it is too soon for you to be in another relationship after a having a 4 year relationship end. Don't make this a choice between the two men. Your best option might be not to live with a man and remain single until you know more about what you want. Pursue some of your own goals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): If your ex does not want children and you do, that is a deal breaker wouldn't you say? If you wanted to get married, why would you accept him back without a marriage proposal? Living together is not the same thing.
I think you need to think this through a little more. Are you polishing him all up and making him shiney, selective memory, remembering only the good times?
It is not a great sign that he was begging someone else for sex while he was with you. What exactly changed in him to make him a new man?
I have more questions than answers for you sorry.
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