A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Almost ten years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy. It was one of those things where we were really best friends, but the romantic side just didn't work at all. We would talk and laugh for hours, but we'd also fight frequently. It was a clash of personalities too strong for a romantic relationship. Anyway, we broke up several times and got back together, but eventually he broke it off. I had always told him that going directly into a friendship after a breakup wouldn't work for me since it'd be too hard for me to get over him. We kept in touch for a bit anyway because I loved him and it was hard, but then I found out that he'd been trying to get back together with his ex while we were together so I just stopped talking to him. No replies to his emails, no reason given, a clean break. The problem is that every few months, he invades my thoughts and I have a strong urge to get back in touch. I'm currently in a really stable and happy relationship and I don't want anything to ruin that. My boyfriend has been really good for me and I love him, but it's also true that we don't talk like did with this old ex of mine and I miss that kind of thing. I just wonder if there's any way to stop these thoughts of my ex. Sometimes, I really just miss our friendship; I've never found that exact relationship with anyone else. I don't want to get back together with him since the bad times were really bad, but I wonder if pursuing a friendship would be a good idea. Part of me feels like maybe I have these thoughts because I cut things off so abruptly and need closure, but I don't want to open up old romantic feelings either (if there still are any after all this time).Does anyone have any ideas on what I should to either forget him or get back in touch? I've realized that unless I do something drastic, this situation is just going to continue forever and I want to be more invested in my current relationship. Thanks for any advice. I really appreciate it!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2015): You are plotting ways to sabotage the relationship you now have. Why go back to some old relationship that died 10 years ago?
Explain why you are thinking of someone else; if you love your boyfriend, and all is good with your relationship? You said you couldn't just be friends; so what is your motive behind contacting an ex when you already have a guy?
You practice what's called "self-control." You don't open a can of worms. You honor your commitment, you respect your current boyfriend's trust, and you find something creative or constructive to do with your idle-thoughts.
What should you do about your ex?
Go to the bathroom and push-down on the handle. Imagine thoughts of your ex circling the bowl and going down.
My dear, be thankful and blessed with what you have now.
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