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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi I've been with my boyfriend 2 years we have a baby boy together my problem is he never shows me any affection or tells me he loves me he has only ever told me once when I was in labour with our son I have mentioned this to him and he says he is happy but sometimes I don't think he is I love him and often tell him but he never says it back he just says says there's no need to say it our relationship is really good other ways we don't argue and get on with each others families well I just don't know what to think any suggestions please on how I can get him to open up thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 April 2015):
 OH good point I love that movie Sage....
btw in our house the phase "damn you to hell" means I love you....
because I did not want to love my husband. and when I realized I had fallen in love with him I said "damn you to hell" and he said "yeah I love you too"
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 April 2015):
 Further beyond the replies you've already received.... esp. So_Very_Confused.....
Remember Peter Falk as the grandfather in "The Princess Bride"? As he narrates the tale he is reading, he sez (of the guy who is in-love with the Princess): "When he says "As you wish" he's really saying "I love you.""
I'd forgotten that... which is actually one of my favorite lines from a movie....
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (16 April 2015):
 There are men out there who find saying "I love you" an impossible proposition. Perhaps under threat of death they might utter those words to the ones they love be that his wife, kids, mother - yet they will spill that out with ease about their favorite sports team, band or what have you irrelevant. Maybe your guy is one of those. To these men, their loyalty to you is the only true love they understand and deem words as just empty phrases. Sometimes that phrase is not strong enough to express their affection for you. So, if he is all yours and committed, judge his loyalty and praise him for it. That may take his guard down. Then, while he is brimming with your acknowledgment, lead him with affirmatives a such as "your loyalty means I love you? Doesn't it" then let him affirm. Have fun - and be flirtatious - with such affirmatives where he would be praised then would have to nod to stuff you are saying that you would want to hear from him. Enjoy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2015):
IF the ONLY problem is that he never says "i love you" then it's YOUR problem. does he SHOW you he loves you (not with sex)?
Get a copy of the book "The five languages of Love" (they have a good quiz on the website too) and figure out how he defines love. Then listen to those cues.
I had to do this with my hubby. He told me early on, "I don't say I love you" and I was like... "oh ok thanks for the warning I do say it"
I discovered that HOW he defines love language makes a difference.
He defines it by "acts of service" So yesterday when he called me 6 times to say "I'm at blah blah do you need anything" or "I'm at the supermarket now do you need anything" etc... THIS IS HOW HE SAYS "I LOVE YOU"
AND he defines my saying 'I love you" not by my words but by my doing the laundry, and running errands for him and cleaning the house.
Not because I am the maid or the wife and it's MY JOB but because his way of defining love involves my doing things for him to care for him.
You define love as words.
you need to figure out how HE defines love and then you can interpret if his actions match his words/feelings.
I rarely hear "I love you" but I know that I am a very loved and cherished wife.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 April 2015):
I'll repeat my Mantra, which applies to situations such as this:
IF your partner (B/F, G/F, spouse) won't say, "I love you".... THEN LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!
BT/DT....
Good luck...
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