A
male
age
51-59,
*eregrine_UK
writes:Hello all. Just wondering what people's thoughts were on this situation:My g/f and I have been together for just over a year. We live about 25miles apart, and we usually see each other once or twice a week and every other weekend. The first seven-eight months (the 'honeymoon period')were great but, in the last couple of months, she's grown more distant and less affectionate. Nothing major, but a gradual combination of things such as:- not making plans/suggestions to meet- not taking an interest in my life/work other than the perfunctory "how was your day?" question- texts becoming formal/less affectionate- less physical contact - and not responding as warmly when I put my arm around her or hold her hand - no longer sharing/posting anything about us on her facebook page- completely overlooking our one-year anniversary. In themselves, these aren't big issues (especially the facebook one!), but they're all changes to her normal behaviour. My instinct tells me that she's emotionally checked out/lost interest.So, should I follow my instincts and just walk away before it's too late, or tell her up front that her lack of interest/effort is becoming a cause for concern?Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014): Some people get that way when they find comfort meaning they feel that all the affection was an investment so that she can feel relaxed and at ease with you. Not everyone cares to text back and forth, me first. So your instinct maybe wrong because you don't know what's up with her. If it's what I describe then your relationship is awesome. If it's not then walk away. But to know what's up you gotta talk and one evening of convo, with a female, ain't gonna get you the answer.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 Well, at least IF you bring it up, you will know where you stand? And it will be "easier" to walk away, knowing you TRIED? She will HAVE to react one way or another. And then YOU can decide what your next move is.
If that makes sense.
I'm a little surprised that she didn't do ANYTHING in return after THAT effort you put forth - now I get being sick and all, but then you have a rain-check not just outright cancel it, if you ask me. Or you tell the GUY who just OFFERED to take you away for an anniversary weekend that you aren't happy, doing nothing seems pretty passive. SO I totally GET your confusion. Specially if this is a new "development" in the relationship where she suddenly stop putting forth an effort. I would question when it started and if something happened around that time.
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A
male
reader, Peregrine_UK +, writes (26 November 2014):
Peregrine_UK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies.
Honeypie, it's a valid point. But yes, I did make an effort for our anniversary. I'd booked day/night away together (which she cancelled because she wasn't feeling well), and bought her a silver pendant and a 'romantic' card. Plus I had a huge bunch of roses delivered a few days earlier.
I will raise my concerns, but - deep down - I suspect it won't change anything in the long run. Behaviours and actions can be modified; feelings can't. And, in my experience, someone who's already checked/checking out emotionally is only going to move further away if they feel "pressured" into showing feelings they no longer have.
Peregrine
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 November 2014):
 Why not "cover both your bases".... and tell her that you are planning to walk away unless she tells you that you are overlooking something??????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2014):
IF you can SEE yourself with her long term, I'd say talk about it and figure out what's up with her. IF she claims there is nothing wrong and this is who she is, then maybe.. consider she isn't for you.
My question to you though... Have you kept up with all the things you feel she isn't doing? Have you been planning dates, something special for the 1 year anniversary? Or did neither of you do anything and now it feel like it's running out in the sand?
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (25 November 2014):
if you like her a lot then raise your concerns and see the reasons why and what happens .
if not then just say bye bye ..
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