A
female
age
30-35,
*o_in_love
writes:Hiya. Right I've been going out with this guy for almost 3 weeks now, not long I know. Problem is, I like these 2 other guys, there is no chance of anything happening with either of them as they are both off to the Marines next year. My boyfriend knows both of these guys. I don't know whether or not to finish it with him, he is a lovely guy but he is rather needy and I need my freedom. Also, he has been in a two year relationship before whereas my longest has been a month and a half. The last relationship I had lasted 3 weeks because I convinced myself I was gonna hurt him and so I finished it before I did. I can feel this one going the same way. I just don't think I'm meant for relationships. I don't know what to do anymore, I hate being single so much, but I don't want to lead this guy on and if I'm thinking of finishing it now then surely I will sooner or later? And if so isn't it better being sooner?I don't know, maybe I'm just trying to justify me finishing him because I'm so scared. My head is just so messed up at the moment and I can't think straight. But I hardly know him tbh, at least not well enough to tell him all this stuff. Someone please just help? Give me some direction in thoughts? I have no idea what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, so_in_love +, writes (2 December 2008):
so_in_love is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you're comments. He actually finished with me a few hours after I wrote this question, so I suppose there is nothing left for me to worry about!
x
A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (2 December 2008):
 If you're wary of commitment and you're pretty sure this guy isn't the one for you, there's no reason to prolong the relationship. Obviously there are areas in which he doesn't fulfill your needs if you are already looking to/having feelings for other guys 3 weeks into the relationship. You present as 16-17 and there's plenty of time for you to date in the future if you change your mind about being in a relationship. Don't "settle" for someone you don't really want at this point...and in the long run it will be kinder to him not to lead him on, if that's what you think you're currently doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): First off, you say you hate being single. But why? You have many years ahead to date lots of young men and meet one eventually who you'll want to settle down with and who will want the same with you. I wouldn't conclude you are not meant to have any relationships just yet awhile, if I were you! : - ) However, before that happens, you'll probably date a number of guys just going out with them casually one one, two, three dates. It would be a good idea not to get sexually involved with anyone you meet and see on a casual basis!Then, you might well meet several and be in relationship with them for a number of months, or even a year. Its to be expected that some of these relationships won't last. All this is perfectly normal and a part of discovering who you are compatible with, and who not. Compatibility means being able to be open and honest with each other; trust on both sides is present, and you find one another attractive physically; and also can spend a quiet evening together just talking conversationally; sometimes getting together with mutual friends.You will find (hopefully) that part of being compatible is having a similar outlook on life and some activities (rock concerts, volleyball; church, hiking, whatever) you enjoy doing together. Other activities you may find interesting and do on your own, or with other friends, while he has his own interests. In other words, respect one another's need for "space" sometimes and don't have to be together 24/7.Also, being supportive of the job/career direction you want to pursue is important. Even more important is being able to talk and to listen without getting angry or judgmental when you don't see eye-to-eye - which isn't to say you'll never ever get annoyed, but is to say try to fight fair!Specifically in your situation: Anyone who is needy tends to make us want to run screaming in the opposite direction! Think: HOW does he come across as needy? Is he calling several times a day? Wanting to see you three or four times a week and then all weekend? Could you say you like getting together (if in fact you do) BUT you have other things you need to be doing? For instance: studying; going shopping and/or spending quality time with your Mother, a friend, or even getting together with the other guys you mention for a drink or coffee. Would he be jealous if you do have a drink with them? And, WOULD it be no more than just friends? If you can be specific with him about some of your concerns, instead of just saying you need your freedom. You would be doing both him and you a favor. I really do hope these general, and specific to you, comments will give you something to think about and which you'll find useful!
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