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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm 27 and my bf is 26. We know each other for a little more than 4 years an have been dating for a little less than that. My problem is that I have the feeling that I'm not good enough for him. I always thought that he is the one, but now I am not sure about this anymore. I really love him and it breaks my heart, because I'm not sure how much he loves me. I told him right in the beginning of our relationship, that I only want to be with him as long as he is sure he wants to marry me. Of course it takes some time to get to know eacht other and I know you need at least 2 years to find out if you hast feel in love or if you really want to love the other person. Problem is, it's now 4 years and he is still not sure if he really loves me enough to ever propose marriage to me. He told me, he is now thinking about it, but I would have to wait a least one year until he would be ready to tell me if he loves me enough to marry me or if we would finish our relationship.I really don't know if I'm able to wait an other year. I think he would have needed to think about his love for me 1 or 2 years earlier. I feel used. He just dated me 4 years, not knowing if I am the one. Of what he tells me, I just have the feeling, that I will never be good enough for him. Why does he need so much time to think about if I am the right one for him or not? Does he really love me? How do I know he loves me, if he would propose to me in more than 1 year (IF he will)? Should he not already know, if he loves me or not?It makes it worse, that lots of our friends are married and i started dating my bf before they met their husbands. Another issue is he seems to criticise me all the time. Well, this is not really true that he does it very often, but I have the feeling he does. Because he told me, he likes one of our friends, because she can do so many things, what indirectly tells me, that I can do nothing...What should I do? For the last few weeks, every morning I wake up, I am crying, because I don't feel, he loves me and I'm really thinking about to finish this relationship, because I don't feel I want to wait an other year. Am I just overreacting? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, allyouneedislove  +, writes (26 October 2009):
You know what? It seems as if you're putting 'marriage' above everything else in your relationship. Is it really that important to you? I'd imagine as with all things, if someone feels their hand is forced into something they will become wary. Also, is his approach to marriage the same as yours? Perhaps to you it's honour, safety, commitment. To him it could mean being trapped, arguments and divorce. Perhaps you need to check he sees marriage in the same way. He could be rejecting something that is worthless to him without realising it's worth to you. Talk more. If you love him, how could you contemplate leaving him over a disagreement about a piece of paper? From his point of view, he could be thinking 'if she loved me, she wouldn't force me into something I don't want and what would a piece of paper matter anyway?'. Stop looking for happiness in someone else and focus on yourself. Take the focus OFF marriage and he'll probably come running.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Thanks for your answer! Well, after that year, he will not tell me, that I will have to wait an other year, because he knows that I won't! I told him, I actually set the time until spring, but gave him an other few month. But I feel so bad to have to set him this ultimatum - why did he not think about all this seriously before?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): I'm so sorry you've been put through this misery. The truth is Love is there or isn't. He is a confused man, and (I think) doesn't know what Love is.
He's been very selfish to make you wait for a dream. You could've been happily married by now to a man who Loves you for YOU. I pray you'll find the courage to let go of this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 September 2008):
 Life is a series of decisions, some bad, some good. You're at a point when you need help making one. You don't think he will ever marry you, and don't know whether you should wait or not. This is a matter of personal choice. I will give you mine, and please wait for others to give you their opinions. Then you can make your own decision.
In my opinion, you shouldn't wait any longer. I have the feeling that, if you wait another year, he will tell you to wait another, and another. I have the hunch that he is happy as he is now and does not see the need to marry you. At some point you need to draw your line in the sand.
Also, I don't see why you should feel you're not good enough for him. He's been with you for four years now, hasn't he? I guess he would have left you by now if you weren't any good. And then, one person might find you disgusting and another will think you're wonderful. I do believe you have a problem with self-esteem.
Hope this helps.
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