A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:should i fake an affair to teach my cheating husband a lesson? my husband for last years has been constantly cheating on me. i have caught me several times and everytime he begs for my forgiveness telling me that he has really changed this time. i am currently unemployed n have to toddlers and i cant afford a nursery so im staying with him coz i dont have much of a choice. but he was actually being so nice and caring towards me now. he has been working in a different city for a year now, he has simly refused to take me with him thn but he had promised tht if he continues the job thr for another year, he will take me with him.. but now hes refuding again. when he comes over the weekend he really cares for me and the kids. just 2 weeks ago he was swearing tht im the only woman in his life. i have found pix of his mistresses on his old 2 weeks old mobile. im thinking of confronting him on this weekend and im planning on telling him tht imhaving an affair wid a guy from the neighbourhood n he wants me to leave my husband... just to triger sum kind of a response. is it wise? plzzz sumbudy advise me soon as he will be here in the next 10 hours
View related questions:
affair, mistress, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I don't mean to be harsh BUT stop using your girls as an excuse. You are in an 'abusive' marriagw, he abuses you by cheating and staying just for your girls makes no sense. You stay bec you want to and perhaps you do not have the convictions to do what is right FOR YOU.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnoooo! its not tht i enjoy it or get sum sick satisfaction. im just worried abt my gals. thy r quite close to their dad n divorcing hiim wud mean moving to a different country coz i'll move back to my parents contry. i dont want thm to grow up despising me
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): one last chance?
there is a saying : you deserve what you tolerate.
give him 100 more chances, he will not remain faithful at all. sometimes men treat us poorly because we treat ourselves poorly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): One more chance? Are you serious? He's cheated several times and lies to your face; haven't you already given him several chances? Perhaps you really like this drama or would rather live with a cheater than live without a man, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your own joy and recognize that if you stay with this cheater, it's your own fault if you are miserable. With your mindset, all you're doing is extending your own unhappiness, but if that's how you choose to live, that's how you choose to live.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have read all ur answers n decided to go against my anger, i.e. i didnt fake a relationship instead i confronted him like an adult n he LIED... yes, he lied again n straight to my face...n even those lies didnt add up.. ughhh, im so distressed, i know i want to leave him but i have to wait for the right time, which mite take another 6-7 months. at this point, my husband has no idea tht i m capable of leaving him, n if i decide to do it now his family will encourage him to accept the divorce ut i want to give him one last chance for my conscience's sake. but for tht, i have to make sure tht he doesnt have ne ill advisors around him
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Why even play games? Either divorce him, get child support and become self-sufficient or continue to stay with this a__hole and wait for him to give you a nasty STI. Do you honestly think he's going to change because he thinks you're sleeping with someone else?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): I feel you should try to forgive this mistake and be happy. I tell you that faking and revenge etc-- humans are no very much designed for that. Hate will kill you also beside other. So while your DH fell down, it is job of wife to pull him again. This is how things should be. Do not make the life even more complex and pain full just because you want to give him pains. The fact that he will suffer and be in pain because of you faking an affair itself means that there is hugh bonding left b/n you and him. If he is completely off you, your affair would not matter to him.so just forgive him once and move on
...............................
A
female
reader, SallyDeez  +, writes (31 July 2010):
You have a couple of options here... Do you have a prenuptial agreement that favors you in the event of divorce? You seem to be able to physically prove he's cheating. Milk it for what it's worth.If not, you can always have a relationship on the side of your own. If it suits you, find another sugar daddy of your own. This whole morality this and that is nonsense. Marriage is an ideal spawned of religion and possessiveness. 41% of women and 42% of men cheat. Put up with him while you have to, but don't miss out on fun opportunities for yourself. Life is fleeting.Now, my personal favored answer to your question:Get an education so you're not dependent on anyone. Become self sufficient and find the person that's right for you. Dependency in such a situation is foolish.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): You really shouldn't fake an affair. You two have beautiful kids together and he's cheating; I'm sorry to say but he is not good. He constantly says sorry but it's just a word without proper actions. Obviously he isn't trying to fix the problem and become a good husband. Do you have family that you could go to? I think you should leave him and talk to your family to help you along. You don't have a job or money so basically what you're doing is depending on him. This probably makes him feel like a man because he has someone who needs him. Don't give him the sastifaction. Please, try to find other ways of dealing with this. Get help from family!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): Never fake an affair, it wont get you anywhere.
you have to work out why you keep forgiving him, you really only have to choices. either:
you leave him, get a divorce and start a new life.
or
put up with his cheating ways, he's not going to stop cheating because you've basically let him get away with it already. if you can except it and pretend that its not happening.
but you have to weigh up which options better, because at the end of the day your the one who has to life with the result.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): people cheat due to the fact they don't really want to be in the relationship anylonger. He wants you to do his dirty work with none of the blame on his self. So do him the favor.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Stupid idea....
Your husband won't stop cheating, don't play games with him, they will leave you disappointed. Ok, so you can't leave. I suggest you actually start to seperate your life from him. Stop having sex with him, he'll probably give you a disease. Start living your life as a single woman, because that's what you are, you don't even live with this cheating husband.. I suggest you go and see a solicitor and find out what your rights are if you divorce. Go get yourself a lover, go out with your girlfriends, you don't really have a proper marriage, so I suggest you stop pretending and act like a single woman.. Your husband is acting like a single man, but your the foolish one who stays at home faithfull and thinks he will ever change.
...............................
A
female
reader, VenaCava  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 It is not wise, I am sorry.
I know that you are very angry and your husband is really out of line. But telling him lies will not help your condition one bit.
What if your husband believes your story and he got angry and demands to meet your significant other? You’ll have to make up another lie by then.
What if to punish you, he stops giving you monetary support?
Be very angry at him but don’t make up lies.
Besides, he’s been the cheater for years, he probably knows it instantly that you make up story about having an affair with another man.
You should prepare yourself to go out of this marriage. It’s hard, but you have to try. It will only put you under extreme stress if you continue to tolerate his behaviour.
While you are at home, try to learn something new. About cooking, computer programming, foreign languages, even becoming an excellent care taker can get you something in the future and it takes off your mind of your cheating husband.
When your kids are finally get older and you think you can ask for relatives to take care of them. Go to work and save some money, divorce this cheating man and enjoy the happy life that you 100% deserve.
I wish you strength and luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 July 2010):
Why? What will that serve? Instead, he will spread it around that you're a cheat. Then your reputation will be left in tatters, and they'll all suddenly point and say 'she's as bad as he is'.
This is not a wise plan in the slightest. You'll give him what he wants. Then he can say 'my affairs were right, because you were cheating. You're worse than me because you lied and did it in revenge'.
You need to end this mess, no matter how hard. Don't just soil your own reputation. People won't trust you. And your husband will leave anyway and have a real good laugh at your expense.
...............................
A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Well, I think you're both at the age when playing this sort of games doesn't fit anymore. That is, you making him believe you're having an affair, so he can open his eyes and realize what he has next to him, a caring wife.
A man, once cheating (this applies for women as well), even if he SWEARS he won't step wrong again, he WILL, because you forgave him so he got away with it pretty easy.
The sad part is that you're having two kids, so he should take even more responsibility. I blame this kind of persons, who go out and fool around while the wife is sitting at home, looking after the kids, and have the guts to lie - "just 2 weeks ago he was swearing tht im the only woman in his life". I will never understand why men are such cowards... (as a sidenote, my ex-boyfriend's father dumped his mother when she was pregnant, so that's why I hate this kind of people so much, they have no right to do reckless things, especially when there's a kid between them).
Maybe I'm not the right person to give a straight advice, since I'm not in your situation and I don't know anything about your matrimonial background, and even if I'm against these games - you pretending to see other man, I think you should start to be more.. "hard-to-get". I don't recommend divorce, since there are kids in the middle, but it's also a good alternative. These men just don't worth your concern.
Maybe you've made a mistake by getting married with this guy, but we all learn from them, so.. It's up to you.
Otherwise, if you say you love him, unfortunately, will be hard for you to take a radical decision, that could make your life easier. I believe it's complicated to remain a single mother, financially and emotionally, but no matter what job your husband has, he MUST take care of them as well, because, well.. he conceived them :). You're young and chances to find a good man are on your side.
A random thought that crossed my mind just now, while writing this reply: trying to fake an affair might lead him to find his "blessing" in other woman's hands and he could say something like "oh, I'm glad you found someone as well, maybe we can remain friends for our kids", so basically you could help him take a radical decision himself, something he was expecting. Maybe he prefers to be dumped by you, rather then be the one to take the lead. SOME men are cowards, and when they're cowards, they're cowards until the end of the chapter, if you take my meaning.
So why not playing above-board? I believe you both are mature enough to take responsibility of a serious conversation that can enlighten both of you.
Just remember, if you take the path of clearing up things by being honest and open concerning his behavior: it's all about the way you approach this subject, you don't want to make him believe you're turning into his enemy or making this an "armed" conflict. Be his friend, make him be honest with you, you're strong and nobody has the right to get you down like this.
Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Should he then fake a divorce?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): I still dont think it will make him think about what he does to you though. I wonder why you dont just get out of this situation for good. Bad for the soul.
...............................
|
