A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been with my man for 5 years, since we were teens.I get on with his family well and as far as I know they like me just fine, they are not rude. I hardly ever see them as they are busy people but yeah, we get along, no problems, it is friendly. He lives with his mum right now as he's in college and can't afford his own place yet. Anyway my question is fairly simple but it has been bugging me for a few years.The 1st year we were going out his mum bought me a pressie for christmas.But for the last 4, she has not got me any presents or even a card. She has never explained why or anything, she just never bought me a gift again. I spent a lot of money on buying presents for his mum and his three siblings this year, and she still didn't even get me a card.I mentioned this to my boyfriend and he said he would ask about it. He actually hadn't noticed until I mentioned it, though I have noticed it every xmas since that 1st year and have never said anything until now.To be honest I am kind of hurt because it feels like his mum is not accepting me as part of the family, not even acknowledging my existence even though I try every year to get her something she will like. It's not really about the present, just the gesture, like I'm not after some expensive gift, just the thought, the acknowledgement. I'd be happy with a cheap card or something. What do you suggest I do? Why do you think she doesn't buy me christmas presents? SHould I stop buying them for her as well? She's never mean to me and she has never mentioned any reason as to why she doesnt buy me a gift anymore, maybe she just forgets me every year? I'm not sure. I mean, I'm in a pretty serious relationship with her oldest son, so you'd think she would be aware of my existence.Thanks for any help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): Does she treat you differently to anyone else who is similarly 'related'? There may be a number of reasons why she doesn't buy presents and perhaps it would be best that next time you only buy for the younger members of the family and mirror her approach back to her. Although this sounds like tit for tat it actually is simply acknowledging the way she prefers to be. Unless you can get to the bottom of it this would be my solution. After 5 years you absolutely deserve a little something - or like you say just a card. You can buy plenty of nice but inexpensive gifts for less than £5. I am a little concerned that your boyfriend 'has not noticed' the lack of consideration by his mother but then.....maybe guys just place less importance on this kind of thing?
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