A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been known this guy since I was 3 years old. I was best mates with his sister right until Highschool. I dont remember him through my childhood years though, he was the shy kid... The last couple of years me and this guy have reconnected and have become very good mates. We have talked everyday, all day on email for the past two years talking about absolutely everything. We never hang out though as we have separate lives but when we do we are inseparable! One night we randomly bumped into each other at a club and we spent the whole night together talking. I have never had any romantic feelings for him at all, but that night he sent me a message, when I was standing next to him! Asking me if I would sleep with him that night. I turned him down and he seemed very upset and said he thought we would be good together. A couple of weeks passed and I had thoughts... or musings and got really drunk and messaged him. He came over straight away... SOBER... and we had sex. He texted me the next day and our friendship was not scarred. Since then we have slept together on 3 separate occasions and me being the silly girl, I am starting to have confusing thoughts about him... Some days I really like him... Others I really regret it! We still email each other all the time however I have noticed the friendship isnt the way it used to be... sometimes I think he may like me and is just too shy and bad with women(which he has admitted to me before)then other times I dont think he does.. or maybe he is pretending he doesnt cuz he doesnt know how I feel? Last weekend, he messaged me wanting to "meet up" We ended up going back to my place and had sex and I was COMPLETELY drunk off my head and said some random shit! Hahaha... GOD! This was Saturday nite and I havent spoken to him since :( I know I could just email him, but I feel awkward about some of the drunken blabber I did! We have never ever talked about what we are doing either... and no-one knows about us, people would freak out, especially his sister! People see us as having a "brother and sister" relationship cuz we give each other shit all the time! After the sex when I was dribbling shit, I asked him about his holiday in Europe and his response was "I never had sex with anyone while I was away"? We never talk about what we are doing with each other and we continue to treat each other like mates... Do you think I should end this now before our friendship is completely ruined or have sex with him again... this time when we are both sober lol! I would be devastated if he wasnt in my life anymore... I feel like our friendship is starting to take the "backseat" and sex is taking presidence. I would hate to lose him...Id rather lose the sex...even tho its pretty good...
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): What you are is commonly referred to as friends with benefits. You are making little excuses for why he hasn't made this more like he is shy and he is crap with women and relationships, he told me.
Well, those things may be true, but he is still crap with women and relationships.
I think this relationship sucks personally. I think emailing someone for two years and never actually seeing eachother except on rare occassions is feeding both your fantasy lives about having a relationship. It is as if you were practicing at a relationship.
I mean for God's sake, he is so socially inept and thiks of you as simply a lay to sit next to you at a bar and text you while you are right there asking you to sleep with him THAT night. Since then you are a BOOTY CALL.
What is it that you don't get about this. He isn't going to suddenly fall in love with you and ask you to be his girlfriend...you aren't girlfriend material to him, you are a buddy, he may be very fond of you, but I don't think he is really all that into you.
You do what you want. He doesn't sound like a real life friend to me any way, but what we used to call a "pen pal".
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