A  ,
*elsi
writes:So I am feeling totally betrayed and I'm not sure if I should end my friendship or not. I work with my very best friend. We both have told each other that we have never had such a great friend. We have always had each others backs and have always said to each other that NOTHING will ever come between us. Having said all that I just found out that maybe our friendship is not what I have been lead to believe it was. Like I said we work together for a large company and there are two sets of managers (one is a lead manager, the other is assistant managers). My best friend and her husband are the lead managers. We are having a lot of drama at work right now with the assistant managers and a housekeeper. We also have a sales girl, I will call her Sue. We all complain about the assistant managers and agree they must go along with a housekeeper. The sales girl Sue complained a lot to the managers this morning and my best friend (manager) fired an email off to her boss asking for a transfer because there is always so much drama going on. In the email she said "(between Sue and Kelsi (which is me)complaining we need to get rid of this co-mgrs. or the floaters or the head housekeeper, it gets to be too much". I feel like she just threw me under the bus. What kind of friend does that? I feel like I need to back away from her because I feel very betrayed. Is my reaction appropriate? I saw the email, she printed it out and left it by her computer which I needed to use. She came in and saw me on her computer and reached over and took the email. I don't think she knows I read it, it was off to the side quit a distance from me but I could read it.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (24 June 2014):
 Another vote for WiseOwl. You know what they say about mixing business with pleasure.
I don't think your friend threw you under the bus. It sounds like she's at the end of her tether. instead of being able to do her job and accomplish something, she's constantly putting out fires. You did admit that you 'all' complain.
She may have thought that as her friend, you should have been more sensitive of the position she was in.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (24 June 2014):
 Wise words from WiseOwl. The problem with working FOR, as apposed to WITH, friends, is that its hard to be someone's subordinate 9-5 and their best friend the rest of the time. The mistake a lot of people make in that situation is to assume the friendship brings preferential treatment or a ticket to be less that strictly dealt with.
These are tough times in the workplace, and its dog eat dog. Friends or not, everyone of us will ensure someone else gets the boot and not us.
Mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): Read this and think about it:
"We are having a lot of drama at work right now with the assistant managers and a housekeeper. We also have a sales girl, I will call her Sue. We all complain about the assistant managers and agree they must go along with a housekeeper."
Sorry, Kelsi; but business is business. Friends are what you are when you're off premises, and after work. At work, you are co-workers.
If you've been caught-up in office drama or politics; being a lead-manager placed your friend in a position where she couldn't show favoritism, or bias toward any employee.
She didn't throw you under the bus, you stepped in-front of it!!! You assumed you were safe based on "who you know." You also wanted to be a part of throwing other people under the bus. What goes around, comes around!
You of all people, know that you have to keep your nose clean. That means you must watch what you say, and who you say it to. Who you pick sides with, and how you plot against other people.
You're obviously not paid for drama; unless you're a character in a soap opera or on a TV program. It is disruptive and unprofessional anywhere else. If a friend is a part of it, and knows it could effect my employment? I would do the same as your friend. It's up to you to know where to stick your nose, and where not to. She doesn't have to cleanup after you. "We all" includes YOU!!!
People in-trouble, will bring up your name hoping to use it for their own defense and protection. They will make sure that if they get the boot, so will you! If you were up to your neck in the same mess. You were forcing your friends to absorb your trouble-making. Don't blame them for your mistake.
You may not be the one ending the friendship. Your friends may beat you to the punch, and fire you!
Keep your mouth shut and your nose clean. Wait and see what happens. Managers are supposed to be on top of things. Everybody on the job knows they're your friends. Don't take advantage of them, and call yourself a friend.
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