A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (we've been together 4 years) has started mentioning having children together. I am not sure at this stage as we have spent little time together over the last year as he emigrated. As I am due to move out to be with him next month the topic about children came up again - as part of our commitment type discussion. I am 37 and am not even sure whether I can have children so I asked my boyfriend whether hypothetically "if I was unable to have children would you stay with me?" and he said... "If I was hell bent on having kids then no of course I wouldn't and neither would you." In response I said that actually I would want to stay with the man I love and I would adopt to find a solution or way around it." There was just silence on the other end of the phone so I put the phone down.I am still in shock. I feel really hurt. What sort of security for me is that? Do you think I should carry on my relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): It is not fair if he would leave you if you couldnt have children. If he really loved you he wouldnt wany to leave you even if he really wanted children.
"i would want to stay with the man Ilove and i would adopt to find a solution or way round it" - This was the type of thing he should of said to you and it was nice that you said that. I personally think you should find a man that feels the same way as you if they had a partner who couldnt have children. You would be alot happier knwoing they wont leave you over somthing like that.
But this is just my opinion. Be with who makes you feel the happiest, thats the most important thing and only you know that. I hope ive helped! good luck x x x
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 September 2009):
It sounds like he was being hypothetical.
He said "IF I was hell bent."
Some people want kids, some don't mind either way, and some people do not want any at all.
We've had women on here who've felt incomplete without a child and been with a man who's been unsure about wanting them. We've advised them to split up and move on.
You seem hurt that he won't put you above all his other wants in life.
Just sit him down and ask him what he does want when it comes to children. And I mean in real life. It's too hard to talk about the big things over the phone.
Good Luck!! xx
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