A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I married my high school sweetheart before he deployed to Iraq. Predictably, our young age and the effects of him being at war destroyed our marriage. We ended up divorcing in 2006. Despite that, we still remain best friends.Now I'm a new relationship. My current boyfriend Jay is extremely jealous of my ex husband and hates that we're still friends. My ex husband and I have been friends for over nine years and he knows me better than anyone. My boyfriend doesn't understand that. A part of me will always love my ex husband, but I'm no longer in love with him because I'm in love with Jay. Jay expects me to end my friendship with my ex. Since I won't cut ties, he's been treating me very bad lately. We've been fighting non stop for over a month over it. It's to the point that I don't even want to be in a relationship with him right now. My question is this: Keep in mind my ex husband would never kick me to the curb for another female and my relationship with Jay might not end up being long term.
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best friend, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Yeah! Let the past go and live in the present.
That was a wise decision.
Congrats to your coming engagement with your b/f.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been spending a lot less time with the ex. We cut down our interaction to a few phone calls on the weekend. It seems to be pleasing everyone, especially since I just found out my boyfriend has bought an engagement ring!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): No, you should not end your relationship with your ex. My best friend is my ex too and the poor guy has major problems with his girlfriends when they know we are best friends. Well, thats life. He tells me; don't feel bad because when I find the right woman for me again, she will have to accept you too as my friend. I will never end our friendship for another woman. I will always be there for you and my daughter. He also has told me that, when his girlfriend gets upset or jelous, well he says; that shows lack of self steem, self confidence, etc,.. meaning no good. He goes on to the next! So, if your relationship with your ex is great, don't let go. Most people hate their ex's. If he doesn't accept that, than he is not the one. Another thing, If you give up that now, what would he ask you to give up later?... Sincerely, Ex can be friends
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo matter, what I do, someone is going to be unhappy. For the record, I haven't slept my ex since we've been married-that was three years ago.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Is your relationship truly platonic? Have you done anything to make your boyfriend feel insecure? If your not willing to give up being friends with your ex, then you and your ex should compromise.
There are plenty of people who are secure enough to remain friends with their ex. Not every guy sticks around just for sex- some actually value the friendship.
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A
female
reader, PreciousNY +, writes (12 May 2008):
I also don't understand how anyone can be friends with an ex. How would you feel if your boyfriend was still friends with his ex? It would definitely cause some issues there, so put the shoe on the other foot. I don't think that there are many men out there that would be so comfortable with this situation and most likely you will be very lonely if you stay friends with your ex. I think that most guys are extremely protective of their women and this wouldn't fly in too many relationships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): I have never understood the need to be "friends" with an ex. Whether you were once married or just boyfriend and girlfriend for however many years, I don't see how it is beneficial to anybody. I have talked to some of my guy friends about the topic before, and they have said that the reason why a guy wants to stay "friends" with an ex is because if he feels like getting "laid" he knows that she will already be comfortable with him to do so. And really, a woman staying friends with an ex is because either she can't let go or because she still wants to feel like she owns a piece of him. Is it really worth it to ruin future relationships because of an ex? Second question, do you really need to be with either one of them? It really is ok to be alone and not in a relationship--if not better...so much more freedom and drama free!
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 You pretty much answered your own question already. Assuming you want what must of us do in a relationship, a man who can understand us & never leave us, then go for the one you know will give you just that- Jay.
Or you could always keep wasting your time hurting yourself and another person just because you're holding back for whatever reason.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (12 May 2008):
You have two options.
Kick out your ex or your present b/f.
Do nothing and let your present b/f grow up and accept you lock,stock and barrel.
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