A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I posted recently, and got one helpful response. However, I was really hoping for more than just one response. I have been hanging out with my ex for over a month now after a 5 year hiatus. Before this, she was in a 2 year relationship with another guy who is unrelated to this post. We get along wonderfully, have GREAT physical chemistry and chemistry in general when we're together.Anyhow, apparently, she communicates online daily with a guy she used to be CRAZY about back in college 6 years ago. They never went out, but they did have some drunk moments when we were all single. She told me that they talk a lot now, so she was up front about that. However, they had an extremely flirtatious relationship and she would always give in when he flirted with her. He moved away now. A couple of years back, on a social networking website, she left him comments telling him to visit her and she missed college with him and she had a boyfriend at this time. I haven't talked to her about this yet, but she does tell me that I think too much when I talked about other things. She is a very nice girl and very passive, but I don't know if I should end things or if this is normal communication between her and this guy? Thanks again for any help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Thanks Alexx,
That really makes me feel a LOT better. I was like that the first time we were together...very untrusting and possessive and I've learned over the last 5 years not to be that way although I am still a little jealous which is normal I feel. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Thanks so much for the response. It definitely is a weird situation and I do have some trust issues. I plan on talking to her and seeing what can come out of it.
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A
female
reader, PaigeAlexxandra +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Listen; if you reversed the situation and you were in her shoes, would you be jerking her around and lying about things that she may be suspicious about, but which are completely innocent? And don't you WANT that freedom YOURSELF to have whatever friends you want, without someone telling you that they don't like it so you cannot be friends with your past? I think not; that is an automatic problem in relationships and raises a red flag early on.
Nobody needs to be caged in and we all want our freedom, and you're giving her hers; nice job. She doesn't sound as though she's done anything to make you think she's cheating on you, and it's always so foolish that we get angry when our boyfriends' have female friends.........where's the issue? If you love and trust your mate, there IS no issue. If you're insecure and feel like a needy person, you're going to have a fit if she even goes out with girlfriends, so you're not the perfect man for her, not someone who's the LAW under a roof that's supposed to be a loving habitat for two people/a family!!! Don't skim over the fact that WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO BE WITH A PRISON GUARD, by the way? She wouldn't; so by letting her do her thing and trusting her with all your might, you're definitely laying the groundwork that tells her "He's a trusting man and that makes me happy." It'll make you closer in the end.
I hope that THIS reply maybe helps a little; it's just that I don't 'FEEL' anything negative at all coming from your post. Don't worry about a thing.
Alexx
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A
female
reader, Paula4u  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 If she talks to him daily than I would wonder about it. She now has a loving relationship.. you so what else does she need? Ask her what she wants from you and what is she looking for. More to the point do you really want to stay with someone that maybe scheming/chatting when you are out of sight. Do you trust her? Good Luck!
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