A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Our relationship started out so wonderfully. We started out as friends getting to know each other in our favorite class. Then, we started to fall for each other. We talk, we snuggle, he is my best friend and my boyfriend all in one, and has been for months. We fight and disagree at times, but that's normal. Then, you throw sex in to the works. We started having oral sex after two months of dating, and now, two months later, I am ready to move to intercourse and he isn't. When I tried to broach this with him, he said some things that had a meaning he didn't intend, and they really hurt me. He called and apologized, but those things still haunt me, even though he didn't mean them the way they sounded. Sex isn't the only problem though. He is forgetful, so he breaks plans and forgets to call. He says thoughtless things and doesn't realize how much they effect me. I really care about him, but it feels like we're drifting apart. I've been advised by a few people to end it, but I don't know what to do. He's still my best friend, and he and I have started trying to patch things up. Should I end it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers :)
Things are better. We had a fight a few days ago, and then last night we had a long talk about everything. He had things he needed to get off his chest too. WE've both commited to a few things that will make our relationship stronger, and things feel so much better. Hopefully the ball is rolling in the right direction now :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 A lot of love, time, and energy :)? Sweetheart, ..reality check : you have been dating for 4 months. Dating is to see if there is compatibility in personality ,communication and habits,-beside physical attraction, and it seems there are already quite a few glitches already. Draw your conclusions...
You can try to work things out , of course. Did you talk to him ? Did you tell him that you feel bad for the things he said, did you tell him that you want to be treated with more respect and courtesy ? Guys at his age are not very subtle and perceptive, they need to be told exactly what bothers you, why, and what's the remedy.
Then again, an attempt at commmunication is in order, but tbh I would not be holding my breath.
When you say he is forgetful,..he "forgets " to call you...the truth is that some people are more absent minded than others, but nobody ever forgets about their true priorities, about what's important. Never heard about anybody who forgot to go cash their paycheck, or to feed their baby. If he does it regularly then, ...it's just that remembering his calls and appointments with you is not important to him. Ditto for breaking plans last minute ! Number one signs that he cares...up to a point.
Have you ever thought that ,if he does not want to have sex with you, it may be that he feels or knows that the relationship is already on shaky grounds and hasn't got
long term potential ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat what it sounds like, but I really don't think it's that he doesn't care. At least I hope not. Otherwise I've been wasting a lot of love, time and energy.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (21 January 2011):
 Reading between the lines, im afraid he doesnt seem to care about you as much as you care about him. He seems to have a lot of issues. how well do you really know him? I think you still have a long way to go and you can only get to the bottom of things when you discuss things honestly with each other. Breaking plans is not a good thing either. His forgetfulness could be hiding something else that he isnt telling y ou.
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