A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I went to a birthday party of someone, #30, I know from a theater group my son belongs to. The birthday girl's party started at her house, then went to a local bar. There was a small group of people there including one father, whose son is also in the group. When he came she told me not tell anyone that he was there. As the evening went on she and her friends got very drunk. She was all over this guy. I have noticed her flirting with him before during play practice more than a few times. She got married very young, in fact was pregnant in high school and ended up marrying the boy that got her pregnant. She complains about her husband a lot and has said she would never get married again if she found herself single. I was leaving the party with a friend and noticed that she could not be found. The man had left and she was seeing him out. I parked right next to her. When I approached my car I noticed her sister was fighting with her because she found her in the car with this guy. All he could say is that she was very drunk. My friend and I quickly said our goodbyes and left. I have not told anyone about this besides me and my friend only we are the only ones from the theater group to know that he came. I hung out with some of the other people from the theater group and they even mentioned that she overly flirts with this man. I don't know what to do. I can see that she is heading for trouble. She didn't publish any the pictures of him on facebook, but can see her lies eventually catching up with her. I don't know what to do? I know her but, not that well. I have been single for 11 years and my spouses affair was the last straw. I can feel for the spouses left home with the kids (3) not knowing what is going on. I know her but, not that well. Should I do something or stay out of it. Also her mother was right there and did't say a thing or act like it was a big deal (she does't really like her son-in-law).
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Her mother was right there? And her sister was there too? There were plenty of people being witnesses to her infidelity, so you don't have to be one too. You're off the hook morally. Plus, you don't know her that good, so who knows whats going on in her realtionship. Maybe the mom and sister let it go because he cheats on her, so they were calling it even. Who knows. Don't go around talking about it, because you'll catch fire from both sides. I'd just stay out of it, and maybe future b-day parties as well.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 I think you should stay out of it. You really don't know what the dynamic with her husband is, or why she has chosen to get involved with another man. In any case tho, it is not your problem, or your business.
Don't meddle in this just because you have been cheated on yourself, ... so have I and I would not touch this with a 10ft pole. You would not want to find out her hubby went psycho and beat her to a pulp or worse, ...that the kids illusion of a family unit got shattered and left them with issues, ... that the hubby ended up without any assets and sunk in to a depression,etc, etc, ... and that it was brought about by you when it may otherwise have not occured. Let her own all that stuff - not you!
There are just so many repercusssions to all parties that you don't want to have a hand in. It is her choice, her actions, and hers to wear the consequences of if the time comes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Stay well out of it!!This isn't your business, in fact you don't know the woman in question very well. You don't know what the state of her marriage is, or what she's going through at the moment. You don't even know what happened in the car with this other man (was is sex, or was she maybe pouring out her heart to him in floods of drunken tears? You can't be sure). Her family were clearly trying to deal with the situation as quietly as possible, and you should respect their desire to sort things out privately and in a dignified way.I know that it must have been devastasting to find out that your partner was unfaithful, and it sounds like this incident has brought up all kinds of uncomfortable memories for you. I'm sure you still have some residual anger and hurt towards your partner about what he did - such feelings take decades to fade completely even from the most forgiving heart! However, please try to remember that your position and the husband's position may not be identical. Every marriage is different, and sometimes things are much less straightforward and morally black-and-white than they seem. For instance, while I'm sure your husband did you terrible wrong, this woman might have endured years of domestic abuse from her husband (it CAN happen behind closed doors, and even neighbours sometimes don't know) - and you might be placing her in terrible danger if you told him about her alleged affair. Keep quiet, try not to judge, and let things take their course. You can then be there as a good neighbour, to pick up the pieces and offer a wise and kind shoulder to cry on. In the meantime, have you thought about talking to someone yourself about the betrayal that you have experienced? It sounds as though it was very traumatic for you, and I am worried that you are still hurting. I hope that you can find peace. Take care.
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A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (12 April 2010):
Forgot to add- I was one of the last ones to discover my brother was having an affair. When I spoke to him I told him upfront that it was none of my business but cared enough about him to talk to him about this. He is married for 18years this year. Spoke to him about 4 times then left it. As his sister it was my duty to talk to him, give him options and guidance. But ultimately it is his decision to mess up his life. So you perhaps have a 'duty' to advise the hb discretely, of course and then leave it alone.but know this, you would never view the bday girl the same again.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 See no evil,hear no evil and speak no evil.Let sleeping dogs lie and whoever sows so shall he reaps.
It is not our concerns as we are only watchers and nothing more.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 April 2010):
I'm sure having seen your own marriage fail because of cheating this must be very hard for you. But you must stay out of it, because you could be the one who ends up alienated from everyone if you say anything. She's so blatant about it that at some point she will be found out anyway. Then she'll have to deal with the aftermath alone. My advice is to stay well out of it.
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