A
female
age
41-50,
*oFrigginConfused
writes:I met this guy on the internet a few months back. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks then finally exchanged numbers. Let me just point out that he is quite possibly everything I have ever wanted in a man, yet never really believed I would find it until I met him. I never seriously considered marriage or even thought about it until we met. We are opposites but in a complimentary way,we share the same views on major issues and we literally crack each other up and he has the best laugh, the kind where even if it's not that funny, hearing him laugh makes you laugh. The first time I saw him in person was amazing... we didn't kiss that night but I really wanted to. When we finally had our first kiss, it was definitely worth the wait... I mean I melted inside. It was the softest most perfect first kiss I have ever experienced in my entire life, he kissed me the exact way I liked to be kissed and he didn't even need any coaching.But of course as luck would have it, it isn't all a bed of roses. He recently (before we met online) got out of a serious, long term relationship (5 years, according to him it just wasn't working and he doesn't think about them getting back together). He knows how I feel about him, basically I like him and want to get to know him with the possibility of us being more than friends in the future. He has a lot going on( school, and he works nights, family obligations, and various business ventures he's involved with) plus I do think he's emotionally unavailable... he does like me but I know he's not ready to jump in another relationship which is fine with me because I really think he's "Mr right (for Me)" But he doesnt make an attempt to contact me and see me as often as I would like... but still my feelings have only grown. He's really a great guy, hes so sweet and so patient with me (I've freaked out and cursed him out on occasion lol) and he's even said that I'm the most impatient person ever, which I know is true, yet he only reacts rationally, calmly and oh so respectfully. When I speak about him, 2 of my friends have straight out told me, "you're in love with him" and 1 of my friends asked if I was, I replied no... I know I care for him and my feelings for him are strong, but I'm not sure if it's love yet.It's been months since I have "gotten any" and hormonally I am craving it. We have spoke about sex seriously, like std's and protection etc plus of course fav positions and that sort of thing. But he has never really tried or even pressured me for it, which I asked him about and he basically says he doesn't see me as a "jump off" although of course he wants to and would enjoy it. SOOO my question is should I, or should I not. I want to but I am also worried about what happens later. Sex changes everything, and I am a sensitive person which sex would only heighten my sensitivity level when it comes to him... but I also think about how great it would be but I don't want him to lose respect for me and to fall into the "friends with benefits category" I really want a full on relationship with this guy. HELP ME DECIDE PLEASEEEE!I appreciate all your input.. thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Do you think he is possibly seeing any one else or just you? I think (for me personally that would be huge). If you think he is there (for the most part with you) and certainly not with another I would say go for it
but if there is a chance he is dating others I would be careful so you do not get hurt (especially if your feelings are developing). I have a lot of respect for both of you to have so much willpower :) Good luck,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Quite a predicament you have here. I am the same as you when it comes to sensitivity and sex. It seems to me that this will only make your feelings for him stronger. And as much of a good idea it sounds like now, after it might not seem so. Your feelings will be intensified and his might just stay the same. I have been there and believe me that sucks. I would wait a little longer, maybe when you have a little more commitment. But ultimately the choice is YOURS. So, good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Wait for it, and your friends have a point. Maybe you are not in love, but you definitely have feelings for him. However, you do need to be careful on how to deal with this. If he is emotionally unavailable, it really is a big red flag. How do you get to know someone you can't communicate with on a regular basis, let alone see him? If he is only in it for sex, you will regret it after. This is supposed to go both ways and you have done your part. However, he hasn't because of his obligations, etc. A guy that really has an interest in a person will go out of his way to let that person know, but it seems that he doesn't seem to be interested as you are. For the sake of your own respect, it is better to hold off getting intimate with him. See how things for a little longer, but I highly doubt his emotional unavailability will change. Better to leave things as is, and to move on. There are better guys out than him.
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