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male
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anonymous
writes: I am married man for 18 years, i have a son of 13 ,the problem is i lost all intrest in my wife, over several years i have cheated before, just typical one night stands, now i have met a woman i work with , been sexually involved with her for about 9 months now,this woman i met is just totaly amazing in every way ,we just click naturaly,i have developed very strong feelings for her, as i know she has me aswell.The problem being is my wife is soley suported by myself, i love my son, just myself and my wife have nothing there now,she doesn't even wonder why we havent had sex in months.To where i see this other woman,every day ,we have long conversations , and we have sex 3-5 times a week.I am at a loss ,i want to divorce but still care about my family, i dont want them to struggle, but i also am in love with this other woman, and want to be with her all the time,The other woman has never suggested or even asked for me to divorce ,she is so understanding of the whole situation.I don't feel it is right for me to hold her back from having a normal relationship either.Confused don't know what to do,Should i just stay misreable in my marriage and alone and let the love of my life go? Let her find a normal relationship,or should i divorce and maybe hurt my son in the process?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): You are going about solving your marital problems the wrong way. If your marriage is over you must end it, then continue your life (but make sure it's really over). In the meantime you must STOP this illecit affair. Once you've done that sort out your marriage as best you can - you won't regret it. The woman you are having an affair with doesn't want you to divorce because she doesn't want to be responsible for your divorce, AND, she probably doesn't want true committment either. She would also benefit to get HER life together as well - break it off and get on with your life. And while you're at it, find God. He will help you do what's right!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): I am the original poster of this dilema....
Yes, i very much appreciated all the responses to my situation,I have totally come clean with my wife.I am still very much in my son's life.I will spport them for however long both of them need.
The girl i fell in love with,I still see everyday,as it was before,But she feels, it would be best for me to have my own place,and to keep things as they were before until everything and everyone is secure with everthing going on.
I would like to thank everyone ,for helping me be strong enough to handle this the right way.I feel it was for the best and now all parties involved may have a fresh start on things.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (30 October 2006):
 Hello poster, where are you? You have received quality responses from agony aunts yet do not provide feedback.
Your son will be damaged more if you don't come clean now. You have already cheated - this is a fact that is part of the record of your life. This fact will hurt your son whether or not you leave your family. So it remains to be seen if you are man enough to be honest with your family and take ownership of the consequences of your actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): you just now attracted with the new woman, of course new is better sometimes than what we have before., but sometimes think about it and try to imagine that you already devorce and you are staying with new woman. do you think it will more better than before? just imagine that its already happen' think about it at least 1000x before you decide something serious in your life.some married couple get devorce because of third parties and after long years devorce one side feel sorry because of realising that he or she made a wrong disicion. good luck... gladyz
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): Iam the lady in the other question re my husband having an affair whilst working away, I wish my husband was more up front with me and if he loves this other woman I would rather he told me and then at least I could move on, at the moment I am in limbo not knowing whether it is just an affair that will end or not.
My advice be honest with yourself and your wife, then tell your son together and let him know he is loved. By staying in your marriage you are not only hurting yourself and your wife but also your son. Children are wiser than we think and know more than we realise, just be true to yourself and let your wife move on with her life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006):
You know best whether or not a divorce is best, but as advice for your son, you both need to handle this very delicately.
The most important thing is that you must tell your son that although you are leaving his mum, you (and her) will always love him just as much and always will do. You really do have to give him a lot of reassurance over this. I know you are a guy, and may find this hard, but children, even someone at the age of 13 usually blame themselves for the seperation of their parents and in some cases, one of the partners ends up making that child feel unloved. Be careful about the distance that may develop between you and your son. Keep a close relationship with him, and never, ever, allow you, nor your wife, to get personal about each other to him. If he grows up hearing negative comments about each of his parents he get negative associations about relationships and will, himself, have problems sustaining a healthy, long-term relationship.
Show your son love, and do the right thing by your wife. Perhaps a divorce is for the best - but do it as amicably as you possibly can. I wish you the best - and have hope that things in your life will improve over the coming time.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, miss help +, writes (22 October 2006):
 sit your wive down tell her your not intrested any more and you want a divorce. Then tell your son yes he'll be upset but he'll get over it just as long as you make dure he gets to see you one week and your wive the next.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 October 2006):
 If you don't love your wife anymore new woman or not you should bring your marriage to an end as staying in a loveless marriage will cause more hurt than leaving it will.
You can still support your son whether your with your wife or not and can still see him.
Good luck :o)
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A
male
reader, Abacadaba  +, writes (22 October 2006):
 whats better, your son finding out your having an affair or you and your wife splitting up? my parents split up when i was about 10, yea it was hard but time heals wounds, i see my dad regulary and all is fine, as long as you keep contact, still support your son (you will have to anyway, child support). If i found out my dad was having and affair before him and my mum broke up i wouldnt have spoke to him, but it was a complicated thing and he half did have an affair, but it all clicked when i was about 13 and by then the past was the past, yea i was annoyed but still, it happened that long ago it wasnt worth thinking about, both my parents where happy by that time. At the end of the day, your son finding out your having and affair will hurt him ALOT more than you having a devorce.
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