A
female
age
30-35,
*skRosie
writes:I think that my best friends hate me. They discuss me online, and they think that I don't know about it. I feel like I'm alone, without any real friends.On New Years Eve, they all had a party, and they didn't invite me. I feel really left out, and they always laugh in my face. They always cross the line, and make mean comments. My parents say to ignore them, but they've been my friends for the last 5 years, since I joined secondary school, and I know that it is too late to get in with another group. All I've ever done is be nice to them, and support them.I'm genuinely thinking about ditching them, or at least giving them a wide berth, and I think that I'd work better without them, the problem is, how do I do it subtley, so that they won't notice much. I'm going to delete my account on twitter.People always say join clubs, but I'm not sporty, I'm musical, but I'm the only musician in my year, and my so called friends laugh at that as well. They make me feel like it's my fault as well. I feel like I want to binge on food, or something else.I feel alone, but I can't really talk about it. I've seen my doctor, who organised some CBT, but my therapist keeps canceling on me.Should I ditch my friends?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Hey hun. This sounds like me a couple of years ago. I think I was in Year Nine at school. I had a bunch of friends and they were always vile to me and I so badly wanted a best friend I could have good times with. The last straw for me (like with you its the New Years Party) was when my friend invited us all over to her house at lunchtime, when we got there she said I coudldnt come in because only 4 were allowed in the house. I was gutted and walked back to school in tears.When I got into the cloakroom at school, some girls asked me what was up and I told them everything. They argeed my friends had been so horrible, and I asked if I could possibly hang around with them for a while. They argeed and we hung around together :) I totally ignored my old friends because they knew what they did was wrong and we just didnt speak until 2 years later (year 11) when we were sat together in Science. It was so awkward at first but we got on again after awhile. When I moved onto college, thats where I met the best friends of my life. There are many many groups and everyone switches about all the time, bullying doesnt really happen...everyone is more mature. When I had these new friends at college, I got more and more confident and lost a lot of weight (as I was happier) and not to sound big headed ... i went prettier and more popular than all of my old friends or bullies! So girl, you can do it!! Now I'm a teacher myself, and all the old friends are in dead end jobs. Now whos laughing?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): It sounds to me like you're friends are bullying you. They don't deserve your friendship. Get rid of them. As for ditching them subtly do it one step at a time so that they won't notice as much like starting by deleting your twitter account (if you want to) and then slowing stop hanging around with them although if you did get rid of them fast it doesn't seem as if they would notice. Shows how bad your friends are. As for it being too late for you to get into another group it isn't however rather than try and talk to and fit in with a whole group at first try and start a conversation with someone in a group who seems alright and if they seem friendly then try and join the group. If not then carry on. You never know, you might end up with a great group of friends which make you realise how unlucky you were to have such a bad group of friends beforehand. Good luck. As for wanting to binge on food or something else don't bother, this will only make your bad friends feel happier with themselves for upsetting you. Just remember that you deserve more than a group of mean, nasty friends.
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