A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:First, Thank you in advance for your time an advice. I will try to provide as much background and relevant info as possible.- I was divorced from first wife after being together about 18 yrs (13 yrs married with two kids, now 15 and 11)- met current wife after she contacted me from online dating site in Nov 2006. I had been divorced about 5 yrs.- despite some concerns about her temper, I quickly fell in love with her and agreed to marry her. (she was not US citizen)- Long story short...she was ordered to leave by INS but she did not want to leave and would not leave so I agreed to let her stay with me and pursue legal process- as part of the process, on 11/13/08 we went to Immigration office for our first interview.- at the interview the issue of her being here illegally came up and ultimately she was detained for deprotation processing- because of her prior action of not leaving the US voluntarily and the fact that she had two prior marriages within a relatively short period of time, the Immigration office states her likelihood of ever being given entrance to the US is very slim although she may reapply for admission in 5 yrs. -Our lawyer suggested filing for an I-212 waiver of Fraud and Inadmissability but for that to have a chance of being approved, we have to prove "severe undue hardship" to me as a result of her not being with me in the US (this would be very difficult to prove since i was the primary wage earner and we have no children etc)- My question is, given that she will be deported and not able to return to the US and,- That I have children from my first marriage to whom I have an obligation and responsibilty and - That my carreer is here in the Southeastern US and- That I do not want to live outside of the US- Which means that we cannot physically be together but- I am still a relatively young man (43)- And to be very up front, have a strong need for physical closeness as well as emotional closeness,.....What Should/Can I do? We have our normal relationship like any couple, but I believe that I still do love her and care about her very much and don't want to hurt her in any way but I am not sure I can maintain a long distance relationship for an extended, unknown period of time.... Please help me with your thoughts/suggestions as to whether or not if I should discuss/consider asking her for a divorce (which will be very very difficult for me to do) or if you think there may be some other solutions. Thank you again very very much. I am a religious person and do the best that I can though I do fail miserably far too often.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I feel very sorry for both of you as you do got yourselves into a nasty dilemma. I don't know how both of you could not take the law into consideration. I don't know the laws of your country, but I am wondering if your marriage are even legal with all these legal and immigration problems. I think you should consult an lawyer, maybe somebody who specialize in the immigration law. They might be able to assist you best as to the legality of your marriage and as to the annulment of it.
I do feel for you both, it is not a very nice situation to be in and yes, it will be best to have it resolved a legal way before you get into a bigger mess of her leaving the country and trying for years to get a divorce.
No matter how sad, or how much it will hurt I am sure she will understand you cannot legally stay married to her( that is if the marriage is legal, check with your lawyers)whilst she is living abroad and it also means if you are not legally divorce you will not be able to get married again. Once she is gone out of the country you might lose contact and where and how will you find or trace her for divorce papers etc. NO, No, I think you have to have those documents signed before she leaves the country. Sorry, I know it might sound harsh, but you need to think about your future. No point in 2 or 3 years you want to get married again and can't trace her to get a legal divorce. Sorry, I think you have made a mistake with the immigration laws and I don't wish you to pay for it for the rest of your life. Get to a lawyer and get the necessary documents signed.
Good luck, be strong, it will be difficult to let go, but sometimes things happen and we cannot change it.
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