A
male
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anonymous
writes:I am having HUGE relationship problems with my boyfriend of four years. I could have sex every day while he only wants it once a week at the max. I have tried everything I and others can think of to make him more interested but it seems it is impossible. He only wants it that often and that's it.I find it very hard to cope with that level of love/sex. I feel dejected, supressed, frustrated and just generally hurt and unhappy. I went to break up with him because I couldn't take it any more but we were both in such a state that it seemed a terrible mistake. We both love each other completely and neither of us could stop crying.So we didn't break up but I am terrified the issue will remain and I don't know how to cope. I take care of myself (so to speak) just about every day but that does very little to reduce the desire to be with my boyfriend. I still don't think he realises how painful this is for me.What do I do? I know that is such a hard question but that is what I keep asking myself and I have no idea. Thanks so so much for any help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Are you limiting his satisfaction of you to intercourse, ie, you feel anything else is "just foreplay"? If so, try going for the orgasm/intimate feelings rather than making the Big I with Big O the only legitimate form of sex. If he knows he's free to do *whatever* to be sexually close to you, and give you fine orgasms, then he won't be under pressure to try and do what his body doesn't want to do. You'll get the sexual closeness and satisfaction you need, and he'll feel free to please you however works for him at the time.
A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (16 November 2008):
 It could be very difficult. He has a lower sex drive than you. I don't know how old he is, but once a week is rather low. I'm in my 50s, and 3 times a week is about right for me (my sex drive is neither high nor low, I think).
Mismatched sex drives is a common enough cause for breaking up. Either you drop your expectations, or he raises his performance. The problem is that if he doesn't want it, he doesn't want it. It's tough getting it up if your body doesn't want to. Asking him for more could be putting a lot of pressure on him -- in fact, it could be hell! If I was with a woman who wanted it three times a day, I can tell you I would be struggling.
You seem to have discussed this issue with him. I'm interested in how frank you've been. What does he say? Has he promised to try and improve? Does he really know how much frustration this is causing you?
One suggestion I can make is this. When you have sex, don't let him come every time. If he's worked up enough in one session, the desire will continue on to the next day. If you don't mind him reaching an unfulfilled peak one night, then continuing the next night, and the next night, until one night he lets it all go, you will get your more frequent sex, and he'll find it easier to perform. I don't know how satisfactory this would be for you. If it is absolutely essential to you for the man to come in order to feel satisfied, then it won't work. And don't forget, the night he lets go will mean a couple of nights without sex, because his body will have had enough for quite a few days.
HTH
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A
male
reader, SinVA  +, writes (16 November 2008):
Holy shit i need a woman like you. Slap some sense into your man! Let him know that other guys would kill for a girl with your sex drive. Tell him you want it, and then take it, I'm sure he won't complain if you unzip his pants and start playing with him.
Seriously what the hell!
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