A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello: Many of you have given me help and I know what to do. I find it hard to resolve the fact that I actually fell for the games/fantasy of this married guy I work with. I went back to work again the other day and already he is mentioning, oh we'll have to go out for beers, oh we're due for that. He is saying stuff like oh when we party this summer, and then he seems to be arranging to go to places i might be playing at already.. I know this spells disaster and believe me I'm looking for a single good guy. Seems there aren't too many in these parts. I don't plan going out where he is either. I now realize how vulnerable I am, NOT to ever BE WITH Him, but to his, or any flirtations in general. Well, I wonder if I should directly ask him about his wife? When I started there 'word' was he wasn't happy in his marriage, not much sex, and then I came onto the scene, we got along pretty ok with newfound interests in eachother etc.....he talked about how he dosen't even know why he married her, then next thing I know things heated up with us intently(no sex)...and that's why I came to cupid... Do you suppose if I directly questioned him about his wife and the state of things compared to what i heard coming in, that THAT would help me put it all into perspective for severage, to confront him? I do think he will answer truthfully. If you understand my intention, do you suppose this could help me settle things in my mind and heart as I continue looking for a single man??? I have to work with this guy, and to him we are that much, so....what would you advise? I hope you understand my intension ?? Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (12 February 2009):
 Hi there, From what I am reading, it would be better for you, in my opinion, to not question him about anything. Why, because you are then giving him an opening to sell you more of the same "I need you, or please listen to me".
What good is that if you are trying to move on, don't talk yourself into being in a position of needing him to help you with closure. You don't need him or anything he has to say for that. It lies with you, pull up your boots straps, and decide that you are worth more than a sideline affair, people can only talk you into something if you decide that this is all you are entitled to. Build up your confidence and keep your eyes forward, don't do the rethread thing. Two articles I would direct you to for a little insight: www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 Look for the titles "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts" and "Finding Your Core". People like this gentleman are always looking for women who want to give them a shoulder to lean on, and what do they offer in return? Endless days and nights waiting for a positve change which never comes. Leave him in the dust and get on with your life, be slow to make choices until you have all the details in the future, protect yourself and love yourself. Be your own best friend, and be a happy as you can, life is very short. Take care, stay in touch.
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