A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night, while I was sitting on the couch with my mom and step dad, my step dad and i started arguing mildly. He started to raise his voice, and I asked him to stop, but he didn't, and kept raising his voice even more. He was really getting on my nerves, so I tried to make him stop yelling by yelling back at him to stop, since he clearly wasnt listening.Finally, I really raised my voice saying "Stop yelling at me!!" Before I even got the last part out, he had stood up and struck me hard along my jaw line. Immediately I got up and pushed him away, yelling at him to stop.I kept repeating, "Never hit me! Never touch me!" and I wasnt even listening to him, I was backing away from him as he kept coming at me, still practically screaming the phrase above at him. My mother started yelling "Stop it!" as soon as he hit me, and she still hadnt stopped. She finally pushed him away and he called me the c-word as he walked out into the garage. Then my mom started yelling at me for it, saying that i always pick at him, ect ect. When I went back upstairs, I shut my door and slid down the wall and proceeded to cry so hard that today my eyes were swollen. I wasnt breathing properly, taking in small uncontrollable breathes, like i was having a nervous break down. I was curled up in a ball for nearly an hour, and I tried to get up, but i was so weak i just laid there. My step dad has grabbed me before and yelled at me and called me the worst possible names ever when we get into fights, and i think my mom is afraid that if she stands up to him he will leave her and then we wouldnt have our expensive house and all the nice things we have. But I dont want to runaway, for the sake of my mom, because I know what she went through when my brother moved out when he was 17 because him and john didnt get along. But then again, im concerned for my own safety and want whats best for me. Should I move out of an abusive home and leave my mother alone, or should I bear through it to stick by her side?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): Honestly honey, i know exactly what you are going thorough. I've been there before. Last winter my aunt's husband hit me so hard. He kicked my, slapped me and punched me. I still shudder at the thought. To make it worse; my aunt still covers up for him as we speak. I've tried to forgive him and move on, but he's such a bad influence; he has her dancing right in his palm. I haven't laughed or smiled genuinely for over a year and I'm really done. You know when you leave an abusive home or relationship and you get this epic feeling of "I'm done"?, then you know it's final. You have to leave before you loose your final nerves. The worst pain is when the person you love is the one who's back is against you. A slap in the face and a punch in the guts. I always cry myself to sleep asking God why my life had to be such a misery, but no situation that causes pain is permanent. Be strong and meet your final decision. I've been through anything imaginable and I'm still standing on my 2 feet, still fighting to the last breath and I'm sure you will too. If you're done, then i suggest you move out.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 My advice then is to keep a low profile (don't provoke him)and stay away from your Step-Dad as much as you can. There's always at least two sides to every story. I had lippy young teenagers and while I never resorted to smacking them, the urge was certainly there. Make sure you keep open communication with your Mom and if he hits you again then perhaps it will be time to get the authorities involved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): Listen hun, you need to ring the police. You can't let your dad get away with this. Do you have any other relatives or friends that would let you move in with them ?. You shouldn't have to stay in this situation. Good luck, and remember, we are here for you any time you need someone to talk to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not actually 18, I signed up for my account and put the wrong year in. I am actually nearly 15 years old.
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A
female
reader, br_girl +, writes (7 January 2010):
Honey, If my step dad hit me, i'd call the police! Take your brother's example and get out of that house! If your mom is happy with an a abusive man, let her be. But you don't have to take that anymore. Get a job, move out, and let your mother realise by herself that she married a jerk that pushed her sons away from her.I hope things work out for you.Good luck!xoxo
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 You are concerned for your mother, but clearly she isn't concerned for you.
She has made her choice, you need to make yours.
It is understandable you want to protect your mother, but you can't. Get out, follow your brothers example. Your mother has chosen her husband over her kids, that is her choice. Should you let your be ruined because she makes mistakes?
Don't underestimate how badly an abusive home situation can affect you later in life. Part of the reason people get sucked into abusive relations is because they make up excuses. Same as you are doing right now.
Time to get out.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2010):
Time to leave the nest, fly the coop, get out of Dodge...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
You could drag him to the police for assault. Why not get him back that way? He shouldn't be hitting you at all, since he's not even your father. He's just an abusive man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): Hi. If you know he can get very angry with you and hes pushed you around before, its best not to provoke him by bickering with him or screaming in his face. As for hitting you. Thats never right but if you know he will do that if you fight with him, then dont fight with him. You say your mother blames you for the trouble. Are you trying to break them up because you dont like him and youre jealous? She must be happy with him so it is best if you leave and find yourself a home of your own now. You are an adult not a child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): You seem to think you are his equal and he seems to see himself as a figure of authority. I am sorry, but if you give back as good as you get the lines between abuse and fights get blurred. You seem to fight like an equal and then cry abuse. Shutting yourself in a room, crying till you can't breathe only dramatises the situation in your mind. I am not saying he should hit you or he is justified at all. I am trying to get you to change the situation by looking at your reactions. No one should hit an 18-year-old. But an 18-year-old should not "get into fights" as you say you do with your stepdad. Has he been your stepdad for long? If yes, he may have seen you grow up and may think he has authority of an almost dad. You don't have fights with your elders. They pull you up. You need to mind them. The recommended thing to do when getting into "fights" with those in authority is for you to shut up if the person loses patience. You did not do that. You told him to shut up and then yelled at him. Instead you could have stayed quiet. It is a tough relationship and calls you now to behave like an adult. Can you try that the next time?
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (7 January 2010):
 I think you deserved it, why where you arguing with him, do you pay the bills. You challenged somebody in their house thats bigger and stronger then you that makes alot of sense.
Its time to move ok thats it your not even this guys kid. Your at that age girls are bad about this where there mouth gets them into more trouble then they have the physical strength to back up. I dont condone the Chris Brown Vs Rhianna type of beatdown but a smack is pretty harmless as long as no blood is shed and bones are broken, I hope i would have more self control in that situation and just told you to get the hell out my house.
Im not trying to sound to harsh im being a realist, your staying for the wrong reason, because of your mom shes a grown woman she made her choice to be with this guy no reason for you to stick around,
Get a job and get out get your own place trust me youll thank your self.
Your probably a nice girl this step dad is probably a jerk but its his place if your 18 and older its time to go why arent you in college. well keep us posted i hope things will get better for you in this new decade
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 January 2010):
You are over 18, its his house, you should move out. He was wrong to hit you no doubt about it. At the same time, why are you picking fights with him in his house? He is your mother's husband so you should respect him. Instead of arguing with him you should just be quiet and go to our room. If you care so much about your mother, don't add unnecessary stress to her marriage by fighting with her husband. His house, his way. If you don't like it move. That's how we all leave home, because we can no longer live under our parents rules. He probably feels like he pays for your living and needs then you challenge him in HIS house? But the hitting part is just so wrong though. I think you need to think very carefully before you think of reporting him because your mother will go through more hell.
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