A
female
age
26-29,
*G3
writes:I am 18 and have had severe social anxiety from when I was a child due to abuse from my family. I can hardly talk and relate to people, and therefore have only ever had 1 boyfriend for a short while. I've had very few friends too, and now about none left after high school.I absolutely cannot talk to most people. It takes a lot of time and chemistry for me to be comfortable around someone. Once I am, I can be myself around them, but meeting the right people happens once in a blue moon.Well this did happen this year, my first year of college, with a guy that happens to be in all of my classes. He just makes me laugh a lot and got me to talk, and although I am still not entirely confortable since it's only been two weeks, we have a good time together.He, on the other hand, is a very social guy. He's already made lots of friends, and I mostly stick with him when he's with them. Now, I feel this is awkward (although the guys he hangs out with never made me feel unwelcome, it's just that I can only talk to him) so I tried to distance myself plenty of times, but whenever I withdraw from his group he will come keep me company rather than stay with them (even if I try to look busy!). And even when we are with other guys, he always pays close attention to me, stays next to me, and talks to me more, so I don't feel left out.Now I feel I've been blessed with such a friend, although we sometimes still have awkward moments or run out of things to say from time to time, we have a lot of fun together. Everything would be perfect if it weren't for him hitting on me more and more constantly. I have no idea why he likes me but he makes it clear he does. He's been telling me I'm pretty, trying to hold my hand, making sexual jokes, constantly hinting at us being a couple etc.Only problem is, I'm very inexperienced and I fear this might not work out. What if we don't end up being that compatible or we get bored of each other? If we just stay friends, we could keep it casual, but if we find out while dating, we'll have to break up and avoid each other. And this is only one of the million other bad things that could happen and destroy my friendship with him.I realize I need to focus on making other friends, and I've been trying very hard (for more than a decade, in fact) but I'm still extremely weird around other people. I might progress over the course of many years if I keep working on it, but this is a dilemma I need to solve right now, while he's my only friend and the only one I'll probably have in a while. He's my type physically and I connect with him, but I really want to keep him as a friend too, and I'm tired of not knowing how to react to his flirting.I'm scared that if I reject him he'll stop talking to me (although he doesn't really seem like the type to do that, he might just be pretending?). But I'm also afraid that if I date him it'll end in a couple months and we'll never talk again. I just want to really get to know him and get closer to him, but he seems to want to rush things.What do you guys think I should do? Anyone's ever had an experience of this kind? Thank you,
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female
reader, Queenie2015  +, writes (23 September 2015):
 HelloI was always an anxious teen, I found it hard to speak to anyone let alone guys without blushing beet red.If you are unsure of how to react to his flirting then tell him, does it make you uncomfortable or do you like it? Tell him. But also tell him that for now, you would like to be friends as it's too early to tell if you would be compatible. He seems like the type to understand. I find it is best to be open and honest with people. Don't worry, talking to people will get easier. I used to be the girl who couldn't look anyone in the eye because I was so shy and I was bullied quite a lot in school. I've learned to stick up for myself and I now work in a talking orientated job, I call people daily and I strike up conversations. It gets easier with practice I promise. I hope this helps, feel free to message me anytime you need anxiety advice :)
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