A
male
age
30-35,
*oviefan
writes:Ok i have been trying to get the girl i love for the last year and i have sorted succeded for a while. But she couldnt stay away from her ex who is a horrible person, he uses and abuses her. And she just wouldnt say no to him in hopes he has changed. She has hurt me this way 3 times. But i still love her and help her deal with getting hurt when he does the stuff he does. Well im head over heals in love with her and would do anything for her and have done so on many occasions, and it bothers me that she would rather hurt me then the guy who hurt her time and time again. i have spent many nights crying over her. She finally has realized how he is and wants to be with me, but she learned the hardway, she got pregnent with his child and he reacted horribly saying she was full of it, and was cheating on him, and its not his kid.Well the question is should i give her one more chance and date her. I want to but i want others opinions. I want to help her throught her situation by being there when she starts to feel sick, when she goes into labor, and to help raise the kid. She needs the support badly, her family isnt very supportive. And i have already raised a kid throught the early years of life throught my brother, had to babysit far to much. And im willing to do this because i love her and i want to spenc the rest of my life with her. I want to make her happy. so what should i do.
View related questions:
her ex Reply to this Question
ShareOther similar questions:
After a year, what are your thoughts of meeting up even though she has another man's baby? |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, devonique +, writes (25 December 2007):
 obviously any guy that wants to be with a girl who has hurt him and is pregnant with someone elses baby has a lot of guts. my opinion on the matter is go for it. since you never know what the future holds its best to take a risk and you can show her what love feels like and show her how she should really be treated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): That's noble that should the occasion rise, you'd still want to help her and you are also taking the right decision to move on. As I can understand, you have been patiently waiting for a myriad of times and have seen your expectations shattered. You probably weren't realistic about all possibilities, it's the art of balance. Not always will you feel this way towards her, because this relationship never was given ROOM TO GROW, only has stagnated in an embryonic stage. It's the friendship that developed, - at least from your behalf, each time you listened and brought her relief - as a friend. On the other hand, if you think she abuses your good will and takes pleasure in doing so, perhaps you should abandon the idea of being in her vecinity while you think she is manipulative of you. Sincerely I'd put in doubt this is the case, but you feel used as, while you listen and understand her, she always runs back to the person who doesn't DO all that. This is not manipulation, this is weakness and poor decision! Either way, I see you are determined to move forward, very wise of you. And when you are in another relationship I'm certain you will be honest about how you feel and to what point you are emotionally available, as you know how it feels to be nurtured with illusions, which sincerely I wouldn't know to what extent is the product of her actions or yours. Sometimes we let ourselves be deceived too easily by our desire, seeing it concretise before we can take notice of its possibilities of realisation. This is where the balance comes in. "Hard times lead to purer views of reality." Next time you can be more aware and discern between slightly probable and realisable and it won't hurt as much. All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (22 December 2007):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well im still going to make myself available to her when she needs help and tell her that i still will be with her if that is what she wants. But im not going to wait around and do nothing waiting for something to happen that may never happen. So im going to get to know some girls and show a little intrest in the girls who in the past showed intrest in me while i was with her or trying to be.
I still love her and probably always will but i cant put my life on hold forever for any person. Even if i want to. Life is far to short do so for a long period of time. I like another girl, its not the same but im going to start showing more intrest in her and ask her a few things in the next month or two to see if she really likes me.
But im not sure when ill try to have something to do with someone else unless im sure that i will not run back to my ex because her boyfriend screwed up and have her possibly screw me over again, hurting the other girl in the proccess i know how much that hurts. She can manipulate me like no other person in the world ever could, i think she likes that she can do that to me so easy. And the fact that i was devoted to her. But she wont stay away from her ex and now current boyfriend and it makes me wonder if i even matter to her or if she is confused or what becuase she constantly bitches about him but puts up with his cheating and user ways. And he has the IQ of a small rodent and is constantly doing drugs. My cousin almost ran him over in front of a mcdonalds because he was stoned out of his mind. I kind of wish he would of. And things she has done makes me wonder if she does love me, she has told me stuff that i could ruin her with in the past and continues to do so. And ill never tell anyone this stuff in revenge, ive only told one person i trust because some of it hurt to hold in knowing. And appears to be really upset when im upset or dont want to talk to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): just be there for her always. if you love her and it's meant to be, she'll see who's always been a real father to her kid and a real MAN to her. glad there are some of you left.
...............................
A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (18 December 2007):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell you guys seemed to be rights she wasnt over him, as i was suspecting anyways, how can someoene get over someone they have been with for 2 years. But he is pulling his act again to make her think he has changed. He seems to be taking responsiblitie for making her pregnant but he will probably have another imature streak and leave her and do something stupid. I just didnt know what to do, i wanted to be with her because i love her but because of some events that transpired the night after this post i realized how little this woman has done for me and how much i have done for her and have recieved nearly nothing in return except pain and frustration. I may love her but is all she does is use me to make herself feel better than i dont need someone like that in my life. I know she loves me, she just is obsessed with him and doesnt care if he is a user and a abuser an will not change if he hasnt yet. Her mother hated him and loved me, and to say the least she is pissed that she isnt leaving him for me considering i was willing to be with her when she is 5 weeks pregnent with another mans child. I today basically told her that i need to move on, that she made it clear that i do not matter as much as i should considering how much i have done for her(right here again guys).I will continue to help her if she has issues but i have to move on i was well on the path of doing so before this happend and im going to continue down the path of renewal, and hope i get over her so i can find someone who will treat me as good as i have treated her. And it upsets me that i turned away one girl that may have really loved me, and i fealt something there but it wasnt as strong as what i fealt with the other girl. She wasnt even dating me and wouldnt leave me alone and was finding any chance to do things for me she could and we had only knew each other for 3 days. But i didnt want to start something with her becuase my friend has had a huge crush on her before i knew her and i met her at a party i went to with him, and we talked all night, even after i got my ass handed to me in a boxing match and acted stoned because my head was pounding from so many hits. She tried to comfort me after this but during all this my friend was giving me ugly looks left and right. And he asked her to go on a date but she shot him down and shot him down and made exscuses to not do things with him. She lately hasnt even talked to him when they see each other but goes out of her way to talk to me. And i dont want to do anything with her in fear of hurting my friend even thought she clearly doesnt like him and he doesnt realize it.But thanks for your help. If i need any help with my problems i know where to ask.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): If this man displays such negative behaviour, she may want to suggest him giving up parental rights as I think that is even possible pre-natally in some states, although I can't guarantee that. Or contrariwise, she may not want to interpose any restriction to bloke their relationship once (IF) he returns with claims of fatherhood - but that is OUT OF YOUR CONCERN for the moment. Only, it's one of the aspects that CAN become a problem in the future. Could you handle it? She has the right to [readdress] her life. Nevertheless, is she seeking this? I've seen cases of women to whom "suddenly the new man accepting me into his family, I became fiancee, daughter-in-law, sibling and so much more" - would she accept you to drive away loneliness or because she sincerely thinks you can help each other? - and not only you be her support, but she as well yours. It may turn out to be a very instable relation if she seeks to only compensate! for her unfortunate past (which intention isn't by itself incriminatory of her only is not the greatest motor of all actions) but then again, it can turn out to be exceptional as well - all depending how compatible you are and understanding of each other's needs and so on. You want to make her happy but nobody can be forced to be happy. Some people choose to spend an eternity regretting what cannot be reversed. At the begging of my message I said "this man" as opposed to THAT because the issue is still [recent.] She is probably not yet properly healed and until she sorts out their problems and establishes clear boundaries you can support her in a friendly manner, be her companion and perhaps confidant. Are you ready to help her overcome her frustrations from the past, to accept visits from the real father who may be awakened from his parental denial later and become a constant in the child's life, or simply return to cause more hurt, you will have to discuss all these hypotheses in the adequate time. She sounds a weak person and manipulative to accept that man's abuses recurrently. If in time she is not participative and appreciative of your efforts, you will have to let go. You will also need to be cautious and tactful and detach yourself as possible. All the best in what you decide.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Skip it.
You can be 1000% Prince muthaphuckin' Charming to her but she'll always be thinking about her ex in the back of her mind. Let her fight it out with the bad-boy.
Move on to someone else who will actually respect you as a desirable partner worthy of effort & respect. I'm sorry but you really won't ever get it from this girl. Even if you (have already or will eventually) become a person that she would have originally respected & desired, she still won't respect & desire YOU in particular like that because she's already gotten to know you as someone else.
I'm sorry she's in trouble with the baby and the jerk ex, but that story has been repeating for thousands of years. There's no limit to the number of decent people out there who need the support you could provide. If you wanna be happy in life you can't just go where you're needed more than wanted.
You've gotta respect your own support & desirability enough NOT to devote it to someone who totally sees you as second best in her mind. The kind of person she really wants wouldn't settle for being someone's second best like you already have with her. It's unfortunate that this also rules out a relationship with her now, but this the situation you're in.
Move on. She still wants bad-boy so let the whole thing play out the way it inevitably has to. I don't care what she says or even thinks to herself. She'll never really want anyone else until she's really gotten through with him. And she's still a long way away from reaching that point.
...............................
|
