A
female
age
30-35,
*nna_1209
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months. He is a lot older than me (i am 18, he is 32), which isnt a problem between us in terms of personality but i cant tell my family about him, and i have not been introduced to his friends or him to mine. Also, it is a long distance relationship during the term when i am at university. I broke up with him a couple of months ago, because i was finding the distance very difficult but we got back together when I went home at Easter. Sometimes I feel like i like him a lot more than he likes me (even though i broke up with him and he was the one who wanted to get back together), he hasn’t said he loves me but i think i love him. This was another reason i broke up with him as i didn’t feel like he was putting enough effort into the relationship or he was that into me. Because i went to uni very soon after we started seeing each other, there's always been a distance problem and because of this it feels like, despite us being together 10 months (including the month during which we'd broken up) we still dont know eachother that well and the relationship hasn’t progressed as much as i would expect in that amount of time or would like it to. It still feels like relatively early stages of a relationship in some ways, like i occassionally feel shy around him and i don’t think i can always be myself completely around him or say what i feel like saying. When I am with him in person, he is really sweet and acts like he really cares about me and it feels like a proper relationship. However, when im not physically with him, even when im at home and not far away, he isn’t great at staying in touch, e.g. he’ll call/text once every few days and sometimes he is a bit off on the phone so whenever im not with him i feel like he’s not really into me at all. It wouldn’t be a problem if i saw him regularly, but because i don’t i always feel a bit disappointed with how the relationship is when we’re not physically together. Our relationship does get better and we keep getting closer with time BUT it seems to take a lot longer than most relationships to progress, mainly because of the distance so sometimes I wonder if there is a point sticking it out. However I do really love him and want it to work . However, this is more complicated as there is a guy my age I don’t know very well but who likes me. Although ive only met up with him once) he seems really sweet, also he pays me more attention (e.g. texting me everyday) than my actual boyfriend, although he is quite sexually flirty I know he does want a serious relationship. I feel so awful and selfish for considering breaking up with my boyfriend for another guy, I just find myself craving more attention from my boyfriend and this makes me think if i was with someone else i might be happier. I don’t want to make the mistake of leaving my boyfriend who, although things aren’t perfect between us, i do love him and ive been in a relationship with him for quite a while i don’t want to throw away what we have, for another guy who it might not even work out at all with as i barely know him. But I cant even spend more time getting to know this other guy as I do not want to end up cheating on my boyfriend, and he is not in my friendship group so it is not like i can just spend time with him as a friend. On the other hand, I don’t want to regret staying with my boyfriend, and miss out on having a relationship which might work a lot better as this guy is my age and it would probably be easier to have a relationship with him as i would see him more often. Also the guy im with now is my first boyfriend and sometimes i feel like i should be with someone my own age otherwise i might never learn how to be in a proper relationship.Please help me, im so confused and im scared of making the wrong decision, id really appreciate any advice thanks x
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broke up, flirt, get back together, got back together, long distance, shy, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 It seems like distance and the lack of communication is the issue with your boyfriend, and because of these two issues you don't feel like you truly know him. You haven't met each others friends or family. He hasn't told you he loves you (which he can't because he doesn't really know you). Chances are, you may care for him and have deep affection toward him, but you haven't spent enough time with him to know whether or not you truly LOVE him. If you break up with him to pursue a relationship with someone locally, it doesn't really seem like you'd be losing a lot if you broke up with your boyfriend.
At 18, you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's not likely that you and the 32 year old will end up in anything serious because of the distance (physical and age-wise). Why not give the guy who is closer to you AND paying you attention a shot?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I can say i have been in a few relations myself who with older women who where ten yrs older then me. most havent worked out because either they where to mature for me or they where to busy with careers, familys, debts, or educations. try not to be to serious with that person with what he does but worry what you need to do that makes you happy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): Look, as long as the guy is treating you with respect, it doesn't really matter how old or younger he is. I have dated older guys and they were just as immature as the younger guys, and visa versa. What matters is character, morals and values--without those three things in addition to communication, there relationship is doomed to fail. If this older guy has not cheated on you and he is treating you right, why leave him because, you want someone your own age? with the way the dating scene is nowadays, I would suggest to anyone who has a great person in their lives, to appreciate that person and try to hold on to them for dear life because, true love is so hard to find and I honestly believe it comes around once in a lifetime--once you miss out on it, or you let it go, most times it never, ever comes back and then that is when ppl start settling.
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