A
male
age
36-40,
*cottymc
writes:Hey Guys and Gals, I'm on a slippery slope in my head right now. I broke up with my gf who I've been seeing for 5 years now. I'm 21 and we've seen each other since school, after which we went to different universities but managed to keep the flame burning despite the 100 miles keeping us apart. In the last 6-8 months we've both been quite stressed and the passion and interest has slipped out of our relationship. Around a month ago she decided she wanted a break and we had a 'chat' in which lots of issues came to the fore and I realised I had been psychologically bullying her about her weight (she's gradually put on a lot of weight and is unhappy with it herself, after months of encouragement I guess I felt cheated and angry she wouldn't do this for me). Well yesterday after a weekend visit of awkwardness I decided maybe it was time to end things, I now regret this. In truth I think I'm always going to want her back and yet I know this could be a good thing for myself and her but I keep getting the feeling that we could have something amazing again. Sorry for the long winded question I need advice on how to decide if I should cut of all contact with her and get on with my life or try to slowly purse a future relationship with her?
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male
reader, scottymc +, writes (10 March 2009):
scottymc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey K c100,
Thanks for the reply, has been helpful. The path you suggest is what we've both been thinking all along really. The breakup was more or less mutual, i was simply the first to air the thought.
Until recently the relationship has actually been great, it just seems the stresses have both got to us in our final years. She does want to stay friends as we've always been best friends and we're both doing a postgrad here next year. My reservations and fears come from being in that awkward ex-lover friend zone but i guess thats a debate for another day!!
I actually feel quite invigorated after the break up, whether this is usual stages of break up psychology or a signal that it was def time to split, who knows!!
Thanks Anyway!!
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Well first of all how does she feel about the break-up? Was it more of a mutual thing or was it all your decision? Does she want you back? There is not much point in pursuing a relationship with her unless she wants to get back together!
It sounds like you have not been having the best time whilst you are in this long distance relationship and 5 years is a long time to be together, especially from such a young age. It is possible that you are just growing apart from each other now you do not live near each other.
I would acutally suggest you stay seperated, but keep in touch (if she wants this). It is going to be too hard for you both to maintain a relationship while you are at uni so just put your energy into your studies. But stay friends with your ex, dont talk about the relationship anymore but there is no need to cut off contact. Then that way, once you have both finished uni and know where your lives are going, you will be in a better position to decide on the future of your relationship.
Seen as you are 21, there will not be long to go before you finish uni so this is probably the best option for you. But make sure that your ex is thinking the same way as you - if she thinks it is really over and there is no way you are getting back together, then I guess you should cut off contact and move on. But if she is still hopeful too then you should keep in touch with her, and then meet up once you have finished uni to talk things through.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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