A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I always go full NC and don't break NC. I always do the right thing yet it never makes remotely any difference at all. So should the next time I go through a breakup, should I cry and beg. Maybe then I'll get considered for a recon?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): no don't cry and beg, that's pathetic. you'll lose your self esteem and the other person's respect.
if you want to express your continued desire to be with the other person and try to work things out, then say it that way. Not by crying and begging which are simply an attempt to appeal to their sense of guilt and pity. that may work for some types of situations (like if your boss wants to fire you or your landlord wants to evict you) but being the object of a romantic partner's guilt and pity is not good for a relationship.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Do what feels right for you.
I don't believe in taking breaks in a relationship. Or the on and off again situations, it's just delaying the inevitable, which is an unmatched couple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): If there's one thing that will make you feel worse than 'no contact' it will be crying and pleading. You'll lose your sense of dignity and self respect. If a relationship ends or you are simply dumped, grieve in private and walk away, no contact. You can't cling on to someone or make them want you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): "I always do the right thing yet it never makes remotely any difference at all."
Difference to what? Winning someone back? Staying friends? What?
You see OP NC is designed to not make a difference, it's designed to heal fast and move on quickly. If you want to prolong the heartache, fight lost causes and endure 10 times more pain and drama during a break up then go ahead cry and beg. Lose your dignity and self respect too.
OP a recon is only possible when you reach the stage of emotional apathy where you don't really want one anymore. NC is the best way to reach that stage faster. Only once you've truly moved on is there no chance for your feelings to completely reset and leave you at square one of the break up again.
OP NC may be too boring for you, perhaps you should cry, beg, stalk, break things, send naked pictures and do all the desperate whiny crap that idiots do after a break up. Or perhaps you need to do all that stuff once just to prove to yourself that NC really is the better option.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I don't think so, I doubt it would work, if any it could push him away even more. Who wants a cryng ,out of control, desperate wretch ? It's not particularly endearing or attractive to someone who has just dumped you, ergo he's not your biggest fan atm.
And, if it does work, would you be content with being taken back just out of pity, or sheer exhaustion, -to make you shut up and stop pestering ?...
I think BOTH need quite some time and space before considering a recon. The only way, I guess, is to leave them the time to understand if they have made a mistake, and if they miss you. But how can they miss you if you cling to them like ivy ?
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