A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To all the good counselors out on the interwebs: I am confused by this friendship, which I'm not sure is a friendship. And, I'm not sure whom to ask for help, because the common opinion is that she's a very nice and good person. I have a loose friendship with my roommate, but I don't really like her. She's quite nice, and she must have good social skills, since she has a large group of friends and allies (by which I mean adults). However, three things about her bother me. ((1)) With her interactions with me, at least, she always tries to take the more advantageous position. For example, when we first moved into the university-assigned dorm room, she took the better half of the room and commandeered a towel rack that was supposed to be shared, and said that I probably wouldn't need them and that they were on her side of the room. Also, she didn't buy some of her books and expected me to lend her mine from last year. Well, one of my books is one I plan to keep, and it already has a weak spine, and I have caught her using it in precarious positions that are bad for the spine, e.g. sheaf of papers stuck in my book, while closed. Or when I go to the grocery, asking me to buy things for her, when I don't ask her to do that for me. I have a stronger background in some academic areas, and she asks me questions, and I tend to take pity on her and answer them. I usually make a point to figure things out by myself or bug the TA, on the rare occasions when I don't. (I'm a curve-killer). ((2)) She COPIES me. This is a terrible pet peeve of mine. When I rearranged my dorm furniture to take better advantage of my space, she did too, the exact same way. When I joined a small volunteer organization, used OneNote for a specific activity (omitted to maintain anonymity), started eating yogurt for breakfast, joined a certain literary program (neither of us is a lit major), (I can continue ad nauseum), she did TOO. Perhaps I am a bit paranoid, but when I found a good set of presents to give away en masse to my friends/profs for the winter holidays, she bought the exact same things. It's starting to drive me crazy. That said, I've done things following her lead as well, but I don't think it's to the extent that she copies me, but I may be biased in that analysis. ((3)) She 'kids' around in ways that hurt. I think she's trying to be friendly/funny. However, I don't get her jokes, especially when I am subjected to them. For a while, she told a bunch of friends and even adults that I neither eat nor sleep. She makes fun of me for being studious, for my major, for not understanding her jokes, for the food I like to eat, for working longer hours than she does, etc. It's especially bad after exam scores come out. If I have a higher or a lower score than she does, my life will be filled with small comments for the next two weeks. I have stopped sharing my results with her. Aside from these three main reasons, I also dislike the sound of her voice, her posture, the way her stuff migrates across the center of the room, her tendency to promise away my belongings (oh, you aren't using those anymore!), and her tendency to bring friends/date into the room/common room and how I find them leaning against my bed and touching my sheets/towels. On the other hand, everyone I know says she is very nice and she was properly grateful when I gave her a present (although she complained (?) at first), and she even gave me a present (a book! 3). Granted, I also have mild autism, so maybe I'm not reacting like a normal person, but I don't get this vibe that I'm being used from my other friends. I guess I'm a bit spoiled, since my other friends are quite protective, and they'll even take the time to explain cultural references/ in jokes/ social cues that would be obvious to the average Joe. They don't mind that I'm a bit awkward or a bit slow to understand. Plus, for some reason, I enjoy doing schoolwork with them together, and it's not so much as me helping them as everyone working together to survive an especially hard course/prof. This friendship, however, just feels different. Thank you for reading this long-winded post. I would really appreciate a response because I'm debating whether or not to continue rooming with this person next year.
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female
reader, rachel aniston  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 but i still think you shall leave her because it may affect your way of doing the things i hope you are getting the point
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dirtball: You are correct in your assessment: it it not a terrible situation, and I am already used to living with her. I had originally thought about rooming with my lab partner, but after reading your comment, decided against it. A falling out with her would be catastrophic for our projects (several classes, and an extracurricular). Thank you for your advice!
@Rachel Aniston: She is a bit annoying, but she's not awful. I doubt she is jealous of me since she has many achievements of her own, and she is exceptionally good at networking and making friends.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 February 2011):
 Roommate situations, especially in dorm settings, are never ideal. I've found it's usually best if you are NOT close friends with your roommate. Even close friends need time apart, and when you live together, it can be hard to get that space you need. I've always found the best living arrangements are with people who have similar attitudes to you in many areas. People who respect your space and things.
To me, it sounds like you may want to look at changing roommates. What you describe isn't as bad as it could be, but is also worse than it could be. Just because other people like her doesn't mean they'd want to live with her, or would still like her if they lived with her. She can be a super nice girl, but still be hell to live with (although I'd hesitate calling your living arrangements hell).
Do you have anyone else in mind as a roommate? One advantage of living with her again is knowing what to expect.
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A
female
reader, rachel aniston +, writes (3 February 2011):
she is really annoying and i think she is jealous of you ,so you must change ur room mate next yr.
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