A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:It will be 14 years of marriage, this month. We have 3 kids together. We went to marriage counseling in January and in April, I kicked him out. It was my decision, due to serious mistrust issues that he had. He would check the caller I.d, email, check my pay check for the hours that I worked and would make accusations of me seeing someone. He also would start up arguements when I would go out with my friends. I could count on one hand how many times I went out within a year. He also has an anger problem. He has never hit me, but he has grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth type of thing. Well anyway, he has been asking me to go back to him. I do have feelings for him, but I don't know if I really love him..I have too many wounds that I don't know if I can get over. Well, went to another marriage counselor this week. The divorce papers are actually started. what is hard is that he has been good to the kids, and he is not a loser type of person. He is nice guy to everyone and he has a good job and if something happened to me, he would take care of me without any doubt in my mind. He says that he is in love with me but I can't see someone loving someone and constantly interrogating them. divorce is so sad, and my oldest who is 11 is having a hard time with us separating. He has always been like this, even before we married. My question is if I should continue therapy or just continue the divorce route. I'm just confused.
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male
reader, Mr. Adviser +, writes (15 August 2009):
 In my eyes, trust is the basis that allows communication to happen. If he cannot trust you, and you cannot trust him to trust you, the wheels have pretty much come off the wagon. If you cannot resolve the issue of trust, you cannot have communication. Without communication, a relationship does not exist. No matter how good he is to you, your kids, and the rest of the world, the fact remains. If your not happy, then don't continue. If he has the capability to make you happy, and sometimes does, you just have to get the wheels back on the wagon. Trust is the wheels that carry communication. The wagon as a whole is a relationship. A wagon without wheels is not wagon, it is parts of a wagon in pieces. The relationship cannot exist only for the fact of the missing component of trust. He must build himself some new wheels, some new trust in you. What decides if you put it back together is if he is a person who can really make you happy. If he can, together you can work to build everything back up. Then you will be rolling.
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