A
male
age
36-40,
*ovesucks2008
writes:Here it goes..I met this gal online almost 7 months back...im from a country in asia and shes frm the usa....we met on a chatsite..n then she gave me her email id n frm the next day we started chatting..we really enjoyed chattin wid each other..talkn abt each other, tellin things abt each other..im from a broken family n she dont have parents..shes adopted by her uncle n aunt..so frm da age of 11 shes bein wid em...startd wrkin at the age on 16 so shes always been independent.we both are 23 years old...shes a really nice gal..bt isnt all that lovey dovey as in dosent express her feelings that often.we were goin really good ..after a month or so of meetin heri told her that i likd her n she felt the same..she has a little history.she had a bf n they planned to elope bt her dad caught her n she had to tell the guy that shes gettin married to sm1 else..so that guy left her sayin mean thngs to her..she told me that she was ready to continue with him bt he left her.we both r 23 yrs old..tat guy was 29 smthn..so i guess he didnt wana hang arnd n waste time...we usually argue over thngs..whenever shes online she dosent speak much ..i have to b the person who has to come up with stuff to talk abt.n when i run out of them we jst keep quiet for mintues n then talk abt smthn smtimes..ive sent her many pics of mine n my family just to giv her the personal touch..ive made videos n sent it to her givin messages...its been almost 7 mnts n all i have seen is 1 pic of hers..thts all...although ive spentt hours voice chattin n i knw shes a gal..ive jst seen 1 pic..i asked her for more n she said that its her personal choice n wont show me anymore or come in frnt of a cam...i did cheat on her once..i kissd a gal but i told her that i had assumed that we had grown apart n that i was inseecure so i just kissd that gal..its always been that way...shes always confused..says something at this point n the next day shes back to bein herslf...shes got a good heart n is spiritual..i love her for that..we used to talk for hours daily n then it became a lil lesser n then an hour or two in 3-4 days n now barely get to hear her ..shes busy wid school n so am i..she knws my mum n some frnds bt all i knw is her..i have her number but i cant call her beacause she tells me that her dad pays da bill n that she dosnt want him to find out that shes in a relation wid a guy frm another country....she says that she loves me ..the reason why i chose to b in this relation is also because im goin to the usa fer further studies in a year n its not some internet fantasy of mine to meet her.i can actually meet her..she never shows the interest though..she tld me that shes gonna tell her parents abt me..she didnt show me an extra pic of hers bt shes gnna tel her parents abt me..sounds fishy.!!anyway i believe evrythn she says..last month i tld her how insecure im feeling n that she has to b a lil more sensitive n spend sm time with me n i told her that if shes not happy with me then she shud get a better person..on that she maild me sayin that she let me go n that i wil find a better gal n that she could never b good enough for me n 4 days later she deleted her id..i couldnt get in touch wid her fer 4 days..n then she makes a new id n comes back n talks to me..sayin that she was confused n we were getting serious n that she wantd to think...i accepted it n startd talkn again..i can nevr thnk of lettin her go..now a days i feel like shes ignoring me or smthn...maybe its my insecurity... but i feel so..wen i ask her to spend sm time she says that shes busy..it really sucks..i really miss her...wats goin on???im really confused...she always tells me that she loves me......HELP!!!!
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affair, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Having been through one of these online romances recently(mine was with a woman 20 years my junior) I want to tell you that I do feel for you. On the other hand, as the first responder indicated, Listen to your gut instinct. If you smell something rotten in Denmark, then let it go. I made the mistake of continuing to believe my online girl, who would drop off the face of the earth for weeks at a time and reappear with excuses that would make the Devil Blush. This young woman sounds like she is playing games. My girl came with that "I'm so confused because you are so far away" stuff more than once.Then when we were to meet, she cancelled 3 times on me, with excuses galore.I hung around for a little longer, only to find out that this person had lied about the smallest of details, details that would be mundane to an ordinary person. So I would give you one piece of advice:
RUN FROM THIS!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Don't believe everything a girl says... Hell, when it comes to things like this, don't believe anything if her actions don't match her words!
If you really want this to work, find out if she does, or how much effort she is willing to put in. While there may be cultural gaps in between, I believe that if she is sincere as well it will be nothing to break you two apart.
I'm from Asia (still in here) and my boyfriend's from Latin America... And believe me despite our cultural differences we found our own ways to communicate without prejudice... it took a while, but we're still together, 2 years on. (We will be 19 this year, if you are wondering.)
Sometimes telling parents about a long distance online relationship can be very difficult, but if this is to work she has to tell them... Unless it's perfectly fine for you to appear at her door one day and realize her "parents" have no idea who you've been in her life all those past months.
What does your heart say? Is there a sense of unease? Is there something that's telling you something's not right? Usually our gut instincts can be trusted... Get out early while you can.
After all, if it's meant to be, it will be, one way or another!
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