A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, iv kind of gotten myself into a tricky situation. my boyfriend and i are going through an extreme rough patch. we have been going on breaks and everything trying to fix things.oh and we have been together for about 4 years and this has been going on for a few months.the first break we went on was about a month or so ago. it was going really well. we had time apart to think about things and i began to miss him which i thought i wouldnt. we occasionally talked on this break and each time it went good instead of the usual fighting. my main reason for wantingthe break was because i felt like i wasnt in love with as much as before and during the break i felt myslef falling for him all over again. well one night i decided to go and stay the night with him so we could talk and decide on if we wanted to get back together, continue the break, or call it quits. we ended up having an amazing night. my mind was blown. i hadnt felt so in love with him in years. we talked through everything for hours and agreed on ways to fix our problems. then we had make up sex. it was the first time in forever that i can say i really enjoyed it. so the night in my eyes was perfect. this was a week night and by the next morning i had decided to more than likely get back together with him that weekend by doing something sweet. well i never got to do that sweet something because two nights later i caught him talking to other girls online. i was crushed more than ever, yes this sounds stupid but when we first got together he used to talk t other girls online and it killed me and i left him and then i came back with promises and swears that he would never ever talk to some random girl and flirt with her again. so i was furious this night and heartbroken at the same time because i thought we had fixed everything and i had let myself be in love again and he ruined it a few days later. needless to say that incident caused a huge huge fight and i told him i never wanted to speak to him again and so on. he begged and pleaded me to forgive him and told me it was nothing like that and he only did it because he was mad that we still werent all the way back together. well i let it go but now i dont feel in love all over again. i feel like i put up a guard because im so scared of him hurting me. i dont know what to do. it seems almost as if everytime i gove him my all he throws it back in my face by doing something like this.now we still arent together and i cant seem to stop being hateful to him. i do love him very much but i dont know how much i can take with all the BS. i told him i needed more time after that and if he wanted to wait it was fine and if not i would understand and he said he would wait because he wants no one but me. well on this break or whatever you wana call it that were on now, we have still been kind of talking and hanging out but we have been fighting like crazy. and its driving me insane. i honestly cant see myself with another guy and i dont want another guy but i fear that i may have to get a different one if things dont change. our relationship has become more like work then anything else. we have now also agreed that we may talk to other people even we both strongly prefer the other wouldnt. and i have been talking with a guy and he seems great. but when i really stop and think could i be with him, i think no way. how could i throw 4 years away? how could i love someone else? or things like what if we get together and he decides he doesnt like that much? or what if hes not even a good guy after all? so many questions run through my head and i dont know what to do!should i continue this break with my boyfriend and try to make things work again because even though he talked to other girls he really is a great guy. he loves me and treats me so good (other than the other girl thing.)and not to mention i know i can be myself with him and that he loves me for me. but we have still have so many problems because he trys to be so controling. so should i stay and try and make it work and give it one more try or jujst call it quits.any thoughts will be greatly appreciated. thank you!
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female
reader, robynnnheart  +, writes (22 December 2010):
I totally understand where you are coming from. My brother and his girtlfriend were the exact same as this and she told me that they were like this and i knew how hurt she was about all of it.
I think that you should have a good think about whether you love him or whether you just miss what you used to have with him and how happy you were. Theres no doubt that you love him and care about him but you can't carry on a relationship unless you are actually in love with him.
Relationships are supposed to be work but at the end of the day your meant to feel like your work has paid off. If you are spending more time arguing than you are getting along I think you should say to him 'could we please sit and just talk without us arguing?' and then if he doesn't want to talk then it's a sign that he's not willing to put in the work in your relationship.
If he's controlling, it's probably a sign that he loves you and really doesn't want to lose you, and he might be talking to other girls so he has something to fall back on if he loses you.
I really hope you sort things, You's sound like a great couple :-) .
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