A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright I've been going out with this girl for about a year, we're both relatively young. I'm 18 and she's 17. We've had plenty of problems even with this being both of our first serious relationship. We're both virgins and I've tried to talk to her about sex plenty of times. Obviously the reason I'm here asking this is because of course we haven't had sex yet. Now I'm not here to ask how to get her to have sex like you'd expect....however it really does suck that she won't. I've tried to come on to her plenty of times while we're doing things but of course she always stops me. Giving me the "I'm not ready" thing. This is getting real frustrating to me to the point where I blow up on her because of this...although she doesn't realize this because she just thinks I'm randomly getting angry. Of course I'm a guy so I'm going to have these urges, but her not doing this hurts me more on an emotional level than anything else. I've spilled my heart out to this girl...and honestly I feel like a "bitch" about it because I feel like I'm more into this relationship than she is. She gives me all these mixed messages it seriously pisses me off sometimes. One time we broke up and she cried for days...yet we get back together and she's not even sure how she feels about me? I've tried telling her that I love her and I can't even get that back....she has yet to tell me one time that she loves me. To open myself to that and tell her this and not receive it in return is like a punch to the gut. I have no clue what the hell she wants half the time, she doesn't even know what she wants. She tells me she's afraid of being monogamous for the rest of her life? I'm like "wtf are you in a relationship if you feel like that?". Like I said, I don't wtf she's looking for....everyone tells me be patient, but there's a point where this becomes just ridiculous. I try talking to her about and she gives me the same thing EVERY time "oh I'm sorry, I know I need to open up more..." but yet, she still doesn't. Back to the sex thing, like I said, it's frustrating to no end and I just want to learn how to deal with it and how to deal with her in general. I love her with all my heart and I thought that would be enough to get her to feel the same...but apparently it's not and it hurts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is almost identical to what I'm going through and what I'm afraid of happening. It's funny because I watched 500 Days Of Summer and liked my situation to that as well. I'm the over emotional guy who desperately and naively wants more than nothing to fall in love. And she seems like the girl who just goes with the flow, not knowing what she wants...and the thing is when we first broke up, she of course gave me the whole "I hope we can still be friends" thing....and I told her honestly that I couldn't. I had to to cut her out of my life completely because I can't possibly still talk to her without the feelings being there for me. She cried because she hated not talking to me...we've known each other and talked to each other EVERY day for almost 3 years. We've become important parts of each others' lives. I'm just really afraid she's gonna end up realizing that she can't ever return my feelings and only sees me as a "friend"...and watching 500 Days of Summer made me realize that this is more likely than I thought...but maybe it will help me deal with it if it is the case.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): I can understand how that must hurt. I loved someone to no end, yet they just didn't seem that bothered about me.
About the sex thing: They came out with the 'If you loved me, you'd have sex with me' line, and I was so scared, I so didn't want to, yet I did it, because I was so afraid of loosing them. I was only 15 at the time, and I know what it's like to be forced into sex, and it's horrible.
Although I'm not a guy, I still understand that people have needs, but if she says she's not ready, then you need to respect that.
Regardless, maybe she does love you, she just doesn't realise it, or doesn't want to admit it? I don't know, because I don't know you two personally, but it could be something like that.
Whatever it is, if you love her, then you'll stay and try and make the best out of a bad situation. Maybe, in time, she'll come to love you, if she doesn't already.
If not, and you two break up, then I guess you can just chalk it up to experience.
I hope this has helped :)
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