A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I met a guy on this dating site and and we started talking and we exchanged numbers and went on one date- the date actually went great we spend 5 hours talking it felt really comfortable and at first I never took it serious because I thought omg who takes anyone from this site serious but it felt really comfortable with him- so he texted me the next day and we talked and we ended up going on another date again - the second date we got physical after four years of being celibate I just gave up and had sex with him - I was the one that pushed it more than him I guess I just got tired and said screw it I feel comfortable. now we have talked since then but I also brought up the fact after we had sex that I saw him logging in to the site again and he went "well I saw u log into it to" he also goes well u can check my phone if u want - I didn't say anything after that cause I mean I barely know him and I rushed into sleeping with him but I enjoyed it and he was a gentleman about it. My question is I still see him logging in and obviously it still shows that I am active since I am checking if he is active. since we have had sex he has reached out again checking - we have only know each other for two weeks now so I know it's super early for anything and I know I rushed but should I continue talking to him? I find him attractive we had a good two dates but I'm afraid I don't want to get hurt I was celibate for four years because I had an abusive relationship in the past so I'm kind of lost at how to go about this- I want to see him if he asks again but down the line I also don't want to be a booty call- I also can't bring up relationship status question like where do u see this going because we just got to know each other- what do I do - I asked if he is single which he is and his last relationship was over a year ago - should I just stop before I get hurt or risk it? I mean I know it's normal in the begging to have ur options open but when do u have that talk if we continue to date? So far he has been the one that is proactive meaning if he texts I text and we meet halfway cause I don't want to seem needy but I'm not sure how to approach this since I've never dealt with this before - help
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booty call, celibate, exchanged numbers, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, catcher00 +, writes (21 January 2014):
Of course you should continue talking to him. The two of you are probably logging in to check on each other. You're not wrong to give in to urges and more importantly you're not wrong to want exclusivity and above it all you're right for being honest with him about your feelings and intentions. So maybe hold back on physical intimacy till he feels like committing but yes get to know him better.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Relax! You sound like you're going to have an anxiety attack over this. So you slept with him on the second date...no biggie...He's obviously still interested in you, so just relax, enjoy and see where it goes. Don't feel like you have to play games. Just be yourself. A life without risks is a life not lived at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): You are going to have to take sex out of the picture; if you want to see if things go anywhere else.
He still checks the site; which means he got what he wanted, and he's leaving his options open. Then you must approach this with an open-mind,and reserve your feelings.
I really think this is your decision. Do you feel it is worth pursuing something with someone; only because you had sex with them? Didn't you put the cart before the horse in this situation? Now it will be hard to determine what his true feelings are.
You were celibate for four years, and the opportunity for sex presented itself. I think if you back off, and redirect where things are going, you get a second chance to figure out if you really even like him. It's really too soon to tell.
You haven't been physically intimate with a man in several years, and he is the first. Now your guilt and hangups about casual sex are surfacing, and you feel you need to establish something in order to make it meaningful.
Don't let this be a matter of guilt, or trying to rewrite the script. If you really like the guy, invite him to return; but control your impulses. You both need to discuss the fact, if you feel sex was premature.
If he shows any interest in coming back around; then try and keep sex out of it as long as you feel you need to. You got a little overwhelmed the first time; but I think your head is on straight now. It wouldn't hurt to continue seeing him, if there is an understanding between you where it is going.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 January 2014):
 Are you regretting having sex with him?
If you could rewind, would you have sex again on that second date?
No matter how comfortable you felt and how much you fancied getting laid, you are now applying massive guilt and confusion to the situation. If you hadn't had sex with him and you still saw him checking into the dating site (post your dates) would you still be obsessing over him or would you think 'Meh...he's not that into me...onto the next one'
You think you blew it and now you are fretting!
If you meet a guy on a dating site, it's the same as meeting him in any other situation. If he continues to call, he is still interested...doesn't mean he wants to marry you, but means he wants to get to know more about you.
When you have sex with a guy you hardly know, he will do one of two things...
He will either call for more sex or he will dissapear or move on quickly.
This guy is still texting you, but not actively pursuing you. It could mean he has tossed you into the booty call list but is still keeping his options open.
You have said you dont want to be the booty call so you need to back off and forget about him. If he does persist and seek your attention, just stay out of his bed until you get to know more about him. It could be that he's not your type afterall :-)
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