A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We just had a son 4 months ago and we finally moved in together about a month ago. Everything seemed perfect..we get along great and work as a team. We have a lot of fun together and joke around a lot, but also know when to be serious. I got on his computer the other night to check my facebook and hit the favorites button and the history popped up. He was searching if and how to tell me he's not attracted to me anymore. Obviously I have gained weight from being pregnant but I have been working out and dieting to lose the weight. I couldn't go hard for the first three months because I was raising my son alone and had no time to so the weight isn't dropping as quick as it should. I don't know if I should continue to stick around in hopes things will change since I'm trying to fix the problem or if i should go ahead and leave? I feel that he should want me for me..especially when my body is warped from having his son..but on the other hand I do want to work things out. Do you guys think he's an ass and I should leave or I should suck it up and continue losing the weight?
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male
reader, weparley +, writes (8 March 2010):
Laura1318 is right don't assume. wait and see his actions in time.
DONT jump quickly to conclusion "the hell with what everybody else said."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): I think if he doesnt love you for you then you should not be with him. The beauty is on the inside... not the out although if you have outside beauty that is perfectly fine too. But he should know that pregnant women gain weight.. do not hurt urself trying to lose weight for him.. Love the inside and if not then Leave!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Sometimes things don't seem to be what you see or think. You could be mistaken about the intentions. He could just be curious and went over that site to read it.
You should not jump quickly to conclusion because you could make a mistake here. Just observe his actions and you would know whether they are true or not.
I think you are just being too sensitive over this issue and you need to relax a bit .
With a new addition to the family , he may find that the situation is no more the same and he needs to make some readjustments.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Men and women lose attraction to each other. These things are not discussed among couples because the causes remain a mystery. I think having a child definitely changes things. He looks at you as a mother, not like a sexual figure anymore. However there are many couples, my parents included, continued to have a loving sexual relationship until they can't do it anymore. I don't think a man leaves a woman because she gains 30 pounds. It's not that simple. If he chooses to look up stuff on the computer instead of talking to you, he maybe looking for a common solution to this while there is none. I am sure there are men who will be attracted to you. Do what you think it's right. I won't be attracted to a man who's not attracted to me. He maybe having issues himself and blaming you for your weight gain.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 At least he is trying to find out the best way to broach the subject with youand isnt just making hurtful comments. Maybe he has been thinking about not being so attracted to you but he still loves you. It can happen that you lose attraction to someone when their appearance changes. Maybe he's been thinking this and absent-mindedly searched about it but had no real intention of saying this. Maybe he has seen you've gained weight and knows that you want to lose it and wants to help you lose it. It's a touchy subject. Yes he should love you no matter what you look like but sexual attraction can be fickle. Some guys are just not attracted to some body types. But it is very unfair of him to expect you to just pop back into shape after you've had a baby! Maybe try talking to him about how you feel about your body after having the baby. Say you know your body has changed and that you are unhappy with it. Say you knew having a baby would change your body shape but that you are finding the weight isnt dropping off as quick as you thought and that you're finding it hard with the baby to look after. Once he understands your feelings around this he will be more understanding. Maybe ask him to help you by changing your diet together? Ask him to help out by cooking you healthy meals.You shouldn't have to change for someone though. You should only lose weight if you really want to. But as you say you've been trying to diet I assume you also want to. He should know that women's bodies will change over time. Maybe he just has unrealistic expectations.Hope this helps. I'm not trying to take his side by the way. I just think maybe tty to see his side before jumping to conclusions. Maybe he means well but doesn't understand how hard it actually is to lose weight!
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (7 March 2010):
 If he is just fixed on your looks then its probably not good, and he is shallow.
Looks can go some way but shouldnt be the whole factor in a loving relationship.
However if you choose to leave then make sure 100% that you have all your facts right first.
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