A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex were friends for five years before entering into a relationship and shared many of the same friends. She broke up with me once, we got back together, then our relationship started going poorly again. I preemptively broke up with her but immediately regretted it. I wanted to get back together with her, but she didn't want to. Most of our mutual friends say it is clear she did not love me the way I loved her. I was very hurt and we had a very ugly break up. She began dating immediately, and has been in a serious relationship for 14 months. When she told me this was our last big fight and we haven't spoken for 14 months now. I moved away from the city we are in and have also lost frequent contact with most of our shared mutual friends. I have been dating someone for 7 months. When we broke up I felt like eventually we would be at peace with each other because we did share the same friend group and I thought we just needed time and space. Now it has become more clear to me that I might never see her again or be around her socially for a long time and I still have a sour taste in my mouth about how things ended. I wish I had acted better and I wish we could be on good terms, although now our lives are completely separate from eachother. In my head I believe it would give me some closure to just apologize and wish her well in life. It bothers me to this day that she may think I am a bad or cruel person. I acted badly in a time where I was just very hurt and emotionally weak and I would like to apologize unconditionally for that. Should I contact my ex to say as much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Yes.
You should put things as right as you feel you should.
We are not robots and sometimes we act in ways we look back on and wonder ...." why did I do that" ...it's only when we work out why and understand our own behaviour that we can move on.
Be the better person and sat " i'm not perfect, I behaved badly and I am sorry ....it's good all round. X
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 No. Let it go. Give yourself your own closure, it's the only one that counts and serves.
It was 14 months ago ( and btw ,is your current gf happy you being still so hung on the past ? ). She has moved on, she is in a serious relationship , you live separate lives now, do not share the same circle of friends anymore- what's the point of stirring up drama ?
Because you don't want her to think bad of you ? That's interesting . Supposing she would think bad of you ( which most probably is not the case , more about it in a sec ) - why does it have to affect you ? you can't stand the idea there may be a person in the world that does not love you to bits ? then you are going to be sorely disappointed, you can't always be everybody's pet, you really can't please them all, you are bound to have disagreements or misunderstandings with somebody sooner or later - you MUST work them out if the person is still in your life ( a boss at work ) or if it's a vital, central figure in it ( a parent, a sibling ). But why an ex girlfriend of yonder should be so important ?...
Anyway, I don't think she is thinking terrible, hateful things of you. First, she is with someone else in a serious relationship, hopefully and supposedly she won't waste much time thinking about her exes. Second, time helps everybody ( but you ? ) to put things in perspective. Break ups are often hard and may get messy, people get carried away and overwhelmed by emotions, they may say harsh things they don't mean- it's a break up, not a love feast. It's all par for the course, and if she is a balanced person, I suppose she is doing fine even without your late apologies.
I would not deem so futile your search for " closure " if I thought it was also sincere , but I don't. Not because I think you are a liar ,but because 99% of cases, people want everything but closure ( they can obtain that in their heart and in their mind ) whether they realize it or not they want the opposite, the want to pull their ex by the sleeve : " Look at me ! Look at me ! I am still here ! " . See me feel me touch me heal me... Tommy -style ( and I hope you like classic rock otherwise you won't know what I am quoting from :).
Conclusion, why don't you try harder to let go of the past and focus instead on having a great relationship with your CURRENT gf ?
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