A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I call or send a text to my ex bf. I miss Him so much. He ended it almost 3 months ago and I still don't know y. He said I was being to needy bt I was js showing concern for him and his family. I cry all the time cz I really love him. I want him to know how I feel although something in my head is telling me he really doest care. What do i do. I can't seem to have closure or shake him off. I'm afraid if I don't reach out he will eventually find Someone else if he hasnt already.. Or he will think i never cared and im over him. Idk.. Please help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
 He ended it because you were too needy… there’s your closure. You were too demanding and in his face…
You say you really love him… so what you do is you write….
Dear xxxxx,
I really love you because… and list all the things you really really really love about him….
I cry all the time because…. And list all the things that make you cry and how long you cry and how many tissues you use… and how you get tears in your ears as you lay on your back in bed in the dark missing him… (can you tell I’ve BTDT????)
That something in your head that tells you he doesn’t care isn’t that far off… he may CARE but not the way you want…so you put THAT in the letter too… and write and write and write… then write some more.
In fact start this letter in a notebook as if you do it correctly it will take days and days to write and will be pages and pages long….
Honey even if you DO reach out, he’s done with you and he will find someone else ANYWAY… you are his history and he is yours…
He knows you care but he WANTS you to be over him… this is WHAT HE WANTS…. If you truly love him YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY even if it’s NOT with you… that’s what LOVE is… LOVE is selfless…. You will do everything in your power to make him happy. What makes him happy is NOT BEING WITH YOU.
Painful ugly truths.
Get that notebook and WRITE WRITE WRITE.. write it all down.
Then fold it up SEAL it in an envelope and write… “closure letter to xxxxx (his name) on it.
PUT the envelope in a drawer that you don’t go in very often… and leave it.
In a few years you can read it… and by then it won’t hurt, you will have grown and matured and changed and will see what was.
I’ve done this and I just recently threw out a letter from 1995 that I stumbled upon….
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Sorry, you don't always get closure when a relationship is over, no matter how much you try an rehash the past.
Let it go, let him go. He obviously didn't want to be with you, so why do you think talking to him will "fix" anything?
He might not ever be able to pinpoint what it was that made him break up, it could be something that really isn't about you.
If you think he broke up with you because something was "wrong" with you then all you can do is look to the future and find someone who can accept & love you for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I'll make this short and sweet:
HE ended it with you.
This means that he wants it to be over with you.
You crying all the time is the VERY reason why you shouldn't contact him again.
If his reason for breaking up with you was that you're too needy, your calling him, grovelling, pining, and crying for him will utterly validate his reason for breaking up with you.
You got closure already. Time to show dignity and move on now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): I think there is a fine line between closure and validation.Be careful of what you need. Do you need him to say, "ya, I don't want to see you any more, it was fun, gotta go"Is that closure enough, or just a kick in the head.You probably are seeking validation "I loved you, you're a great person, I do need to get on with my life though, but it was fun" will that be enough.I think what you should do is write down exactly what you want to hear from him. Every delicious word you need.And put that in a box and keep it for when you're feeling this need for closure, because I'm pretty sure that the words you write will be right for you. If you ask him, you may not appreciate or like the words he has, especially when, well, he doesn't have any right now.Write your letter you'll feel better.Take care, and I hear ya, we all go through this crap, it's called self doubt, anxiety and it so puts our lives on hold. That constant background buzzing of being on hold.Hang up the phone, get out of your head and move forward.Personally, I bake up a storm and bring it to my friends and family. I close the over door on closure. Find a way around it, or through it, but find a way. Frozen apple pie, no gooooodd..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): You say your head tells you that he doesn't care, but what does your heart say? If you really truly love him, then tell him. I was in a similar situation a couple months ago as well. I told her that I still loved her and I apologized for the mistakes I made. She knew that I ment it, and she forgave me, but we were never together again.
I don't want to scare you with my story. But just do what you think is right, (and listen to your heart, not your head!).
I really wish I could help more. You seem like a really nice person. :). I deeply hope you two get back together.
And don't cry. deep down, (if he's not a robot) he still likes you.
Hope I could help! :)
-G
P.S. *hug*
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): I made the mistake of not listening to the no contact rule. My ex had found someone else...but was confused about her or me? So I allowed contact. Today I found out that he feels that he can play with her until he is done and then come back to me...so he thinks. He actually told this to me! Now I have closure.
He thought you were needy? Maybe you will be hurt worse if you contact him. Think of this: you do not want a man who does not care that you are hurt! You deserve a man to appreciate the fact that you care and to care about you. Go out and do new things and maybe you will decide that YOU want to move on. Really sending good wishes!
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Don't contact him. This sounds harsh, but he broke up with you, and if he wanted to talk to you or get back together, he would have let you know. Very rarely do men change their minds after they end a relationship. And if he thinks you are the needy/clingy type, that's all the more reason I wouldn't expect him to come around. Guys hate that.
Read "It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken". It's written by the same guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You". I read it cover to cover when I got dumped, and it really helped me put things into perspective and start to move on. You need to get over this guy, and the sooner the better. You'll find someone new, but you have to close one door before another one opens.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (10 February 2012):
 No, you should not contact him. He ended it 3 months ago. And he told you the reason why, that you were being needy. Isn't that closure enough? He gave you a reason!
And considering that you guys have not spoken in 3 months, it would be very rude to text him out of the blue to tell him you miss him after he ended it. He's probably moved on, and go with your gut, you say that "I want him to know how I feel although something in my head is telling me he really doesn't care." You're probably right, that's your intuition talking.
It's best that you try and move on and focus on your future instead of focusing on your past.
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