A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I seriously hate my life right now....everything just sucks about it. I go to a horrible public high school where theres drugs and a million 15 year old pregnant girls. Our house that I've been living in for about 10 years is going to get taken away by the bank since my dad is not making nearly as much money as he used to (stupid economy) and my mom is unemployed and I cant get a job yet. I havent ever had a boyfriend yet and I dont know why? I'm pretty and funny and smart (im in honors and ap classes Hello??) its just that i'm super shy until you get to know me. My mom is crazy...she expects me to get straight A's on top of going to Polish school every saturday morning of my life And on top of that do kumon every thursday and monday. I hate it so much. I know no one who has to go through what I'm going through.And my dad wont do anything about it since he doesnt want to get yelled at so he just does whatever she tells him to do and like ok I can understand maybe to get straight A's but then theres all this other crap I have to do. plus I am not in easy classes!! Also if I dont get straight As and keep my room perfect and basicaly be perfect, I'm not allowed to go riding!! Its just not fair at all im so sick of it like compared to other kids Im an angel. Im never tardy or absent for school.... And riding its honestly my great pleasure in life. Ive always wanted to have my own horse but theres no way we can afford one right now, so i have to shareboard and just take lessons for now.Its ridiculous i just moved away from a barn that i couldnt stand anymore since there was this one girl who had it all and i mean everything. She had 3 horses, a hot boyfriend, she was popular not only at the barn but also at school, she was pretty, lived in a huge house, went to every single horse show and her parents are just so stinkin rich and its not fair I am so jealous.....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I have a lot of respect for Abella's opinions, but this time we are in total disagreement.
I don't think that your mom is too demanding or is pushing you too hard, or, in fact, maybe she is a bit, but I guess she HAS to, if she has effectively to counter your attitude and mindset, that sounds rather immature and spoiled.
So, let's see this heavy, unsufferable workload. OP,you are simply going to high school like everybody else , including the pregnant teens. Getting all A's is not something you do for pleasing your mom, at least not only- it is ( should be ) something you do for yourself. Why ? Because that will give you access to that better selection of higher education that will help you , ( alas not grant you, true ) to get that kind of income and opportunities which are likely to keep you away for the rest of your life from that kind of environment and lifestyle ( drugs, pregnant teens etc. ) that apparently you dislike so much.
I find nothing wrong with upward social mobility, but most people , if they want that, have to EARN it. Or, they can give up to their ambitions and be content with much less, and why not, there's nothing wrong with flipping burgers at McDonald's too , but in this case, your own horses and a posh house and all the things you like will stay out of the picture.
So : if you get good grades is in YOUR best interest, nothing to do with mom.
Then we have kumon. Aw come on, or aw kumon :). My son did kumon in middle school, he did it for FUN, -he was no genius, no straight A student and I was not pushing him at all, he just tagged along when his friends decided to go, it was a passtime, if you take it with the right spirit it IS fun.
Then we have Polish classes on saturday morning. Here too, personally I have trouble to relate since learning languages is one of my HOBBIES, I am taking advanced Spanish right now with no Spaniard to talk to for miles around, just for the heck of it, but OK, maybe you hate languages , fair enough. But... I did not see you mentioning that you have to work part time, or mind younger siblings, or do chores at home... or in other ways substantially contribute to the wellfare of your household, as many people your age are expected to do right ? So, if you can bring yourself to give yourself a little push and follow these classes, to make your mom happy, it's not so tragic or so overwhelming, it's a way to show your parents your gratitude for all they have done for you so far, and your emotional support in a difficult time.
Conclusion : I don't know you in person, so tbh I don't know if there are any psychological or health issues that makes your committment REALLY too much for you to handle , it may be so, and in this case, just sit your mom down and talk her heart to heart, and tell her you need a break, I think no mom want to see her child totally miserable and exhausted ! But, somehow I think this is not really the case, the whole problem is that you don't want to sweat it at all and expect life to be a fairytale in which everything goes your way and people only do what they want when they want ( like, horseback riding ).
Try to get out of this entitled, self pitying mind frame, it really won't help you to build your life the way you want it. Which, I think, is well within your reach, because you don't sound at all stupid or helpless or uncapable ... just a little bratty maybe :)
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Look, there will always people who are smarter, prettier, better at every skill you have, who have more money, nicer parents, a hotter boyfriend. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
You think your life sucks because you have to go to public school with pregnant girls? How about BEING one of those pregnant girls?
Your life far from sucks. You have parents who love you enough to care about your success in school and push you to do your best and have an unusual skill set (Polish classes? What an unusual and cool language to learn). Horses are very expensive. I rode horses all throughout my teen years and I never owned one. I did it by riding people's stubborn problem horses and riding the stubborn lesson horses no one else wanted to ride.
I doubt I'll be able to make you understand now, but your parents are pushing you to get straight As in hard classes so that you can go to college and get a good job. They obviously love you very much and want you to have everything that you want. They want to make sure that even though they can't give you everything, you will be able to afford it for yourself some day.
Right now nothing in life is fair. If you were that popular girl with 3 horses you'd be feeling EXACTLY the same, I promise. No one's life is perfect, regardless of what it looks like to everyone else. Everyone has problems, everyone is lacking something they want. How do you know her parents aren't alcoholics, or abusive, or any other number of family problems? Truth is you have no idea what her life is like underneath everything. Money can't buy happiness or a caring/loving family.
Rather than thinking you're stuck with 15 year olds who are pregnant, why not think how lucky you are to not be 15 and pregnant and/or with a family who doesn't give a darn about what you do with your life?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Life's a bitch.
"She had 3 horses, a hot boyfriend, she was popular not only at the barn but also at school, she was pretty, lived in a huge house, went to every single horse show and her parents are just so stinkin rich and its not fair I am so jealous....."
Sure, it stings a bit when you meet someone who "has it all" or is better off. It doesn't feel good, and you compare your own life to theirs and feel like misery.
But then you got to snap back into reality. You can sit and complain and cry about it and about how others are better off than you. Or you can focus on the things that you have, instead of the things you don't have. You have two parents that you still live with at the age of 18. Do you realize how much money that saves you, even if you have to move from the house and into a new home?
You don't have a part time job next to your studies. All your studies benefit YOU. Your parents are doing you a favour putting you through them, and you aren't paying for it.
Do you know how much horses cost? To even think of having one for yourself means you've grown into expecting fancy things. I can't even dream of even riding a horse, I barely have enough money to buy a cup of coffee at the cafe, and I don't use money on much. Affording a hobby is luxury. Horse riding is LUXURY, and you need to remember that. A hobby is fun, yes, but we can't all have time for them, or afford them. It's great for you that you've had this so long, but don't be naive and think you "deserve" it just because you are a nice girl. I'm a nice girl too, I work hard, yet I never could afford any horse riding.
What I'm saying is that things are tough. Life is tough. There will always be people who are better off. But there will always be people who are worse off, and you will be wise to remember that, and appreciate the things you have. Life isn't "fair" as such, and you need to deal with it rather than cry about it. I get my moments where I am jealous of others, sure I do. But then I get over it, because it's just a waste of time and energy to pity one self. Work on improving your own situation rather than waste your energy on feeling sorry for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Hi
It sounds like your parents are putting way too much pressure on you at a time when they and you are feeling extra stressed. This much stress is not good for your health. And as you start taking harder classes in high school something has to 'give'.
And while money is tight you could ask you parents to sit down with you to rationalize what makes your life happy and what you could dispense with.
You are not in 'easy' classes so your Mom needs to recognise the pressures on you. Your poor Dad is probably very sad that things have got this bad that the family home is about to be sold. Can Dad access any counselling to help him cope as while he is so sad he cannot give you and your Mom the support you may have enjoyed in the past. As Mom to find out what support is out there for Dad. It is their job to find out, not your job. Maybe your Mom could benefit from it too as she must also be very worried about the situation with the family home.
Plus you sound very responsible in that you are punctual and committed to doing a good job in the subjects that you study. But your Mom must not put so much pressure on you.
Do you have a school counsellor who you could talk to? Or a family Doctor who may be able to explain to Mom that she is expecting far too much of you? Reach out for some support. Even a trusted member of your extended family may be able to see that your mother's concern for the future means that she is putting too much pressure on you.
Often parents want for their children what they themselves never had. But that is wrong if it means too much pressure on the child to cram too many activities into a day or a week or a month or a year. It all too steadily builds up and it is not worth doing this to a family member.
To releasea little bit of tension do try some alternative exercises, be it running on the spot, walking, lifting very very light weights ( a plastic bottle filled with water or sand makes a good weight) and half an hour of these very light weights is cheap but effective exercise.
And this crisis is going to be a test of your negotiation skills to ensure that you maturely and calmly negotiate some win-win outcomes with your parents. And demonstrate your empathy and consideration for their existing financial situation which must be harrowing for them.
Try though to get a handle on jealousy as all through your life there will be someone with a bigger house, better car, job, shoes. You name it, and it will happen.
At the same time there is probably someone else who thinks (about you) 'wow she gets to ride a horse'.
Your first priority is to prioritize.
1. Eventually you will need to live somewhere and that is your parent's responsibility but it also impacts on you.
Could you move in with a relative? And help them with some tasks around the home?
2. I suspect the horse is not negotiable with your parent. Could you also offer to do some work at the barn to offset the cost of keeping your horse? Nothing is free in this tough world. Though I am sure you love your horse very much. And you can only ride one horse at a time.
3.. Your Polish lessons? I suspect you are already good at Polish and Mom and Dad can help you practise more. How would your parents react to dropping your language lessons to save some money?
4. Kumon is great but the world will not stop if you explain that times are tough. Belt tighening is required. And you have learnt so much already at kumon. You do not have to be the super very very best at everything.
All you do have to do it try to do the best of your ability with the resources at hand.
But not over-stretch yourself to the point that your health is affected.
Give yourself a pat on the back for managing to not be one of the many younger girls already pregnant. You survived that challenge and need to pat yourself on the back that you did manage to keep on track with your schooling and were not sidetracked with a under legal age teenage pregnancy.
Hope things improve soon.
And do not forget affirmations. Not aspirational ones urging you to strive more. But instead calming ones that you say to you. like:
"good night Mary(you), you are a lovely person"
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