A
male
age
41-50,
*heeler
writes:For those who may have noticed my avatar, it is of my best friend and I. We have such a long and incredible story, and love each other very much.But for many reasons, all of which are a matter of geography pretty much, we ultimately aren't together.Although you can't see it, my avatar is a picture of us from the last time we were together. We got matching tattoos on our backs, me at the top of my back and her at the bottom.Long long story short, we have always been there for each other. Even when we have been dating other people we have never stopped talking to each other.We have told each other everything. There is literally nothing I can't talk to her about. We can tell each other about our deepest doubts and fears, or how the person we are dating has hurt us, or even how happy the person we are dating has made us happy.Some of you perhaps are aware of my recent break-up. I am still in full-on shock and hurting deeply. I have only left the house a few times in the past two weeks, and have lost about 20 lbs. I know, it is not good. (I only weigh 150 if that tells you anything.)Now, I have begun to really understand the many reasons why my recent GF suddenly cheated and led me on despite the fact that she had begun seeing someone else. Someone she is now with.But, while I would usually be talking to my best friend throughout this time, I haven't In fact, we haven't talked in a year. And I know in my heart that it is because she is probably in a serious relationship and didn't want to be unfair to the other guy.For this reason I have respected her intentions and not tried to contact her either.Of course during this time of extreme pain and sadness, I would really like to be able to talk to her again.My question is this:Should I contact her, my best friend, at all? We'll call her K. I have really missed her over the past year, but for the past few months have been in a relationship and didn't think about it much.To put it into perspective, K and I would talk 2 or 3 times a week for several years. Sometimes hours on end. And would always visit each other for a week or more at least twice a year. Until about a year ago, when we just completely stopped talking.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): hi there, i am in a serious relationship and used to have a best friend who was male, my partner didnt like it at all, even though we'd been friends 4 years (and nothing romantic ever happened between us) untill my partner got extremely jealous and they ended up having a massive row. But i made it absolutely clear to him that whatever he said he cant spoil my relationship with my best friend.
in answer to your question i think YES you should definately contact her! there may be a feeble reason as to why she hasnt got in contact with you.
good luck xx
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 I can't tell if your best friend is still interested in talking to you. If I were your girlfriend I would mind you talking to someone hours on the phone, a few times a week. That person should be your girlfriend. I know you really need someone to talk to right now. You may be looking for a girlfriend because you are frustrated without a physical closeness, at the same time you are keeping your long distance friend because no one is as good a talker as she. If she's the only 'deep' friend you have, the lost can feel multiplied. Maybe this is a time for you to focus on yourself. There is a difference between aloneness and loneliness. There will be a time when living life by yourself won't be that bad after all. I am not discouraging you from contacting your best friend, but there is nothing she can do besides telling you you deserve better, you will find love soon. She will feel bad herself if she knows she is partly responsible for that break up. Even if you have to detach from your best friend in order for you to devote yourself better to the next girl, it can be a possible thing. Whatever your friendship will be like in the future, you should have the confidence that some higher power is always looking over you for your emotional growth.
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A
female
reader, amandab  +, writes (7 February 2011):
friendship should be the test of time...i find it intresting that you have not been too upset when you have been in a relatioship. maybe this is the key..you are feeling lost and alone and need your friend.
as i know you know every realtionship needs work, friends lovers family.
maybe you need to talk to her about this, true friends never really die they have a break
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