A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, 3 months ago I left my girlfriend of 16 months, now I think maybe I made a huge mistake. I thought maybe she had fallen out of love with me. For one thing, she works with an ex-boyfriend who is also her best friend. They go out of town together a lot for work, overnight a couple of nights a week, just the 2 of them. I don't like her going but this is how she makes a living. I honestly don't think there's anything between them, but at the same time it bothers me. She also spends a lot of time with this guy doing other things, hanging out at his house etc. There were a few times she could have spent time with me but opted to do something with him instead. The thing is, I work 2 jobs so I don't have a lot of extra time for anyone. When I do, I would have thought she would have wanted to see me. But she did something with him instead. She said it was for work, but I wasn't sure. The last 6 months of our relationship we hardly even saw each other. I'm in the middle of a divorce and granted, I haven't always put her first either. For instance, when I'm not working I have to spend time with my children. I've invited her a few times and she went along, but most of the time I didn't want to take her because they're not used to having another woman around. I didn't have a lot of time to devote to us, so I didn't blame her for spending time with someone else. It's just that I felt like she didn't care any more. She didn't act the same way she did when we first went out. Then she couldn't wait to see me, but that seemed to change. I've had a lot on my mind with the divorce, it's been really hard on me. Though my wife is the one who wanted it, I also felt like it was best. But I couldn't stand another rejection from someone right now, so when my girlfriend seemed a little distant from me I left her before she could leave me. I think my situation has been hard on her too, and maybe she pulled away because of that. She didn't want to get mixed up with me from the beginning because I had just gotten separated, and I think the divorce dragged out longer than what she thought it would. Anyway, I broke it off without even talking to her. I guess I didn't want to hear what she might say if she didn't love me any more, so I just stopped calling her. She called a few times but I couldn't face her and didn't answer, even when she left a message begging me to call her back. Now I think maybe I made a huge mistake. Should I try to contact her, or do you think it's a lost cause? Do you think she would forgive me for leaving the way I did? I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but I really do love her, I think about her all the time. Thank you.
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female
reader, prenezmoila +, writes (29 December 2008):
 If she's not involved with anyone, you could contact her. Women need closure, and you didn't give that to her. Give it a shot if you want to, but remember why you ended it the first time. Closure could also be the problem for you. If you love the woman, go after her. Be there for her. Trust her with her best friend, but if things start getting suspicious, confront her. Sometimes people don't work together as a relationship even though they greatly enjoy eachother's company. Good luck.
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