A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife had a one night stand behind my back. She was in school with this guy and he knew she was married. I know where this guy lives, my question is do i go round there and hit the shit out of him?
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male
reader, sunilal  +, writes (29 August 2012):
instead you may talk with your wife and tell her that you did not like it.
more to that try to ask her why she did this. ask her if she is feeling something less in your marriage.
please remember, your wife is a person and a person have freedom to do anything that it wants. your wife has the freedom do be with any man. so ensure that you don't interrogate her but discuss with her.
My advice is, trust, honesty, etc lies in a persons mind. not in body. mistakes can happen. may be she made a mistake due to some reason.
so to the point, you do not have to ask this guy a thing, ideally.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 The Issue is NOT the guy. It could have been ANY guy.
The real issue is your wife who had so little respect for you that she chose to have sex with another man
Talk to your wife about loyalty, respect, fidelity and your relationship.
Your wife has cheated once then she may cheat again. If she cannot guarantee her loyalty, respect and fidelity in your relationship then it may be time to first seek some urgent couples counselling and it that fails it may be time to reconsider if this relationship is the one for you, long term.
Talk things out with your wife. Learning WHY she felt the need to cheat and acted on that urge could help you learn more about why this has happened.
The guy is just the one she chose to have sex with.
It is your wife who you need to talk to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): Don't confront the man, confront the wife.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (25 August 2012):
Generally a man will take what is offered, and your wife offered it. You'll have to ask both yourself and her why she did it- the other man (who could have been any man) isn't the problem, just the symptom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): You seem to be misdirecting blame. Your main thought should be on whether or not you should stay married to a woman who disrespects you.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (25 August 2012):
 It has been said already, but, it really is true, that "she" is the one that cheated on you, "she" is the one who has no respect for you. He has helped in exposing her true character for you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Beating the hell out of him will make you feel much better -- for about 12 hours. Then the police will take you in to custody, you'll be in the court system for a year or so, pay a barrister several thousand pounds, and might just end up in prison for a year or more. If that sounds like a good investment, well ...
Personally I'd want to know what was up with my wife. If you have any respect for her, then you'll acknowledge that she has free will and she chose to succumb to his blandishments. Yes, he's a dog, but she could have found a dog anywhere. The more important issue is that she didn't have enough respect for you to simply say 'no'.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Why are you angry with him? He doesn't know you he has no vows to you. Your wife is the one who broke your marriage vows.
Also don't hit anyone. He can press charges and you can go to jail and it won't accomplish anything.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Don't hit your wife, but seriously, your issue is with her. She broke your marriage vows. She chose to cheat. She betrayed you. He's a dog for being an accomplice, but she was the one who did you wrong.
Best to focus your attention on the homefront, as much as kicking the crap out of the guy might sound good. It will solve nothing, because in the end, your wife still destroyed your trust, and your wife is the one who has to answer for it.
But I am not advocating violence against your wife. You both have a long, hard, road ahead.
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