A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a little confused about a current situation, I have read some pages on here and some people have the same issues, but can anyone comment on mine.There is a guy I work with he blows hot and cold with me all the time, we have kissed a couple of times and he says I turn him on, but, we have never went out on a date, I wanted something (possible relationship) he said he just wanted fun, I eventually thought fun is better than nothing because I like him a lot. Anyway he asked me to stay late at work and I suggested a drink instead after work and he didn't reply to me, I am thinking he just wants fun at work and on his terms but am I wrong in thinking that we could still have had fun after we had a drink, I have said fun is fine with me, my mates all think he is winding me up just to see if I am into him and that he doesn't actually want me at all, probably because he is with someone.How can I face him at work and how should I react? I mean, should I just act like I never asked him and pretend everything is normal or should I confront him and ask him what actually wants from me?I am not a slut, far from it, I have only slept with one guy but this guy is gorgeous and I thought I would break out of my shell for once and now I feel stupid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): The balls in his court, you did nothing wrong nor should you feel stupid or embarrassed, your friends are right he's the fool.
I'd let it go, this guy sounds like an indecisive douche, or he could already be in a relationship. Probably be a good idea to act like nothing happened and give up your pursuit of him, he doesn't seem interested and if he is let him do the chasing for a change.
Trust your gut and your friends opinions, he might be hot but he's not worth destroying your self confidence.
At work act like nothing has happened, begin to distance yourself from him in a relaxed non-chalant way.
Most of the time when a guy says he's only interested in having a bit of fun, it means he's not interested but you'll do if he's feeling frisky.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Don't let him mess around with your head like that. He sounds like he is being cowardly about talkign to you what he wants or what his intentions are, and i think you should confront him. Put him on the spot and demand an answer from him so he has to stop hiding behind his phone (or computer or whatever you're messaging through).
And don't change yourself or your ways to be with anyone. I don't think that not being a slut means that you are in a shell. Going into somethign with a guy under different desires (as in he wants fun and you want a relationship) could really end up hurting you.
Please let me know what happens, and sorry if i didn't help,... !
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (25 April 2009):
Dont feel stupid, in this situation hes the stupid one. All guys want fun, you trusted him and even went along with it all because you reall likes him, that shows what a genuine person you really are but at the same time you should never let your guard down to any guy your unsure of, especially ones who use the word 'fun'. It will always end out as a let down and can be really damaging.
Things should not be done on his terms, he is a man granted yet he knows how to treat a woman surely? How do you feel being treated like this? after witnessing his behavouir and attitude as you have i wouldnt be asking him for anything, id be greatful id seen his true colours before i went to far with the wrong one who was prepared to use me and make me feel worthless just to get his fun, this isnt a man, this is a lying user and your worth 1000 of him. There are men out there worthy of your love who wouldnt dream of treating you in this mannor, look out for him and dont ever make do with the wrong ones in between.
Its good that you wanted to break out from your shell but this is a big step, make it worth it and if that means waiting for the right one then id wait, youll get more love and geunine loyalty and respect in the long run, thats likely to last a lot longer.
Hes blowing hot and cold because he only wants one thing, i know your not that sort of person and you shouldnt have to prove or defend yourself, move on from this guy, deep down i think you know hes not right.
Yeah fun is good but there is a limit and theres always the odd few who push it and so end up with nothing.
Dont make do with a guy who uses you and has no respect for him or yourself.
Never lie to yourself for th benefit of a guy, you were never fine with the fun idea, you wanted what we all crave, a genuine relationship that means something both ways, thats normal makes us all human.
id ignore him, you dont want or need this in your life, you sound a genuine person thats wasted here so move on.
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