A
male
age
36-40,
*bhgodfather
writes:Hi to anyone out there. Hopefully you can help me with some advice. I just registed to use this site as an outlet for some of my thoughts and pains. I need some advice as to whether or not my gf may be cheating on me, and how to discuss the subject with her and what to do.I've been dating this girl for 3 and a half years now. We started in college and we're one year out now.January was our 3 years, and with work and stuff, we just weren't able to take a mini-vacation like we planned. It went down hill after that. In February she started drifting away, her work schedule got busier, last time we were intimate was the weekend after Valentine's Day. She stopped kissing me at one point. I think I was getting mad and impatient with her for being so busy with work stuff, and she resented me for not understanding very well. On a Saturday, I asked if she wanted to hang out and go to a local college basketball game- she said she had to catch up with work and volunteer with an event and she wouldn't have any time. Well, I saw her at a pre-party before the game and she went with a mutual/her friend (another guy, but I don't think there's anything going on with him- maybe another guy, but I don't think him).She then broke up with me in March, siting just too little time, and that since I'm moving away in July it might be best to just end things and have a few months to mend a friendship out of it. We never stopped hanging out though, and our status on FACEBOOK never changed from being in a relationship with each other. Things continued with her being nice, but not intimate. She goes and does stuff now with friends and doesn't tell me anything. Things that she'd once fill me in with details and let me know that she was doing. In addition, she stopped caring/nagging me about who I was hanging out with and what my plans have been. She does these things out in the open though and doesn't hide the. For example, on a Tuesday we hung out, and she said she was working her second job wed. night and thurs. night. Well on Thursday night around 6pm her face book status was the name of a band. I asked her about it the next day, and she said, "why would I put that on facebook if I was trying to hide anything? I switched shifts to go to the show w/ a few friends. relax"MOST recently, I saw a condom wrapper in her bathroom trash. She shares the bathroom with a roommate, but the roommate is new, just broke up with a boyfriend, is a big emotional crier and whiner, and doesn't seem like the type that would be getting any "action."My girlfriend did go to a pleasure party with some girlfriends over the winter, and I know she bought a toy. I've heard its suggested women use condoms on them for hygiene and comfort... but seeing that wrapper just put the biggest knot in my stomach I've ever had. I want to ask her about it, but I'm not sure how. She also used to leave her phone lying around but puts it away now when I come over.She still kisses me though, and the last two weeks the kissing has extended from little kisses to longer ones. I'm going away to graduate school in July and my gut tells me she started shutting me out to protect herself and found a new interest... but when we talk things out it seems like she's very genuine and cares etc etc.I just don't know if confronting her is just a big assumption on my part that could hurt things, help things, make me look like a fool, if she'll actually just come out and admit it or if she won't at all.Should I look for more evidence?Please give me some advice.Your longwinded friend,bbhgodfather
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female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Hi. You said she ended the relationship in march and just wanted to be friends. But you call her your girlfriend, so im a tad confused. I think you are in the friendship zone right now, even though she hasnt changed her facebook status yet. She might be waiting for you to leave for grad school first before she does that. Before you confront her about anything... it might be wise to just ask her what your relationship is x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): I don't care what any says....when a person is in love, they will make time whether it be man or woman...so she was just making excuses and playing you for a fool...a role you might have taken on unknownly. First off, stop referring to this woman as your girlfriend ok? She broke up with you and hasn't came back since. It doesn't matter what the status on Facebook says....the reality of the matter is that she is not with you anymore, so whatever she is doing, from dating to having sex with other guys...that's her business...not yours. You need to go your own way and live your own life. You may love her...or be in love with her, but from her behavior she doesn't feel the same way about you....people that are in love normally do not break up with the person they claim to be in love with. Stop worrying about what she is doing, who she is with and take this time to get over her...maybe even seek therapy if necc, but don't run after this woman...she will only see you as being "weak." So to answer your question NO, NO and NO...you should not confront her....she is NOT your girlfriend anymore...she broke up with you. Let it go.
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