A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28-year-old married woman and have a one year old child. My husband is a nice guy but he has some how lost interest in romance and sex. Conversation too has gone down really low because of his eratic shifts. Even if we do have sex, he just rolls over and sleeps after he has been satisfied. We have been married 3 yrs. I have sat down and spoken it out to him many times about how to make things better and how hurt i am getting but every time he agrees to change, it goes back to square one. In the midst of all this, I made a new male friend who is far younger than me and we really got close. In the process we ended up in bed, the only thing we didnt do was have intercourse. He does not wish to break up my marriage in any way and only did the things that i wanted to make me happy. We are only in touch over the phone now since i felt very guilty about the whole issue. My husband had cheated on me a year ago, and i had forgiven him. However, i didnt do this to get back at him, its just that i tried to justify what i did. But i know it was wrong. I am still trying to get things better between my husband and me and he has just started showing signs of improving. What i want to know is should i confess to my husband about what happened? although its not going to happen again for sure. Its eating me inside and I dont know how to heal myself. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): i dont think theres any doubt that you should tell him. its a shame but it needs to be done. a relationship cant work without honesty and you will feel better for it. hopefully it will help you get out of your current situation.
A
female
reader, .x..P.J..x.  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Dear Should I Confess, You have two options/choices to make:1:You tell him and confess2:You forget about it and ask him what is on his mind.You could tell him and confess, but it might not work and you will lose him forever. It is a big rick and is one of the worst things that most women do, but at the end of the day, it is ALL DOWN TO YOU.Or you could forget about it and ask him what is on his mind, but asking him this does make and argument most of the time because he wont say anything and your trying to make him say. But, however, if you forget about it it will ALLWAYS come back to you some time in your life.It is now all down to you, but if you need more advice please contact me and i will help the best i can!Keep me posted!Love .x..P.J..x. xxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 February 2007):
 When was the last time your husband told you he loved you? When was the last time you, your child and him all went for a walk? When was the last time you sat together laughing? When was the last time you both spent quality time together? Seems to me your marriage is gravely missing out on the simple things in life, the things that are free and cost nothing.
Firstly, this fling you had. I wouldn't say to your husband about it. It was wrong and I don't condone that but what good will it do to tell him about it now? Besides, you said he improved a little, this would only knock him back tenfold so there's absolutely nothing positive to be gained by telling him. Nothing was ever going to come of it and sexual intercourse didn't take place. You did go too far and you know that but that was because of your insecurities and wanting to feel loved and desired. Put it out of your mind and concentrate on making your marriage work!
I get the feeling he's working very long hours. It might be a good idea to ask him to take a couple of days off to spend with you and your child. Do simple things, go for a walk in the park then prepare a special meal for you both at night. Once you're child's in bed then you can both eat. Light some candles and set the mood. Then seduce him! ;o) Make sure you look good, take time doing your hair and make up and smell delicious too! Men are very visual so if you look good he'll notice.
You said he works shifts, can he not get those shifts changed? Wait till he has a night off then plan a sexy evening, just the two of you. Again, add some ambience to the room, light some candles, put on some music (low) wear some sexy underwear or something you know will knock his socks off and shock him! Take the lead! Show him YOU are going to be the boss tonight and put him through his paces. A lot of men like the woman to take charge so this might just be what's needed to set his passion alight.
You need to try different things together. Talk more, communicate. Keep the TV off, tell him he looks great, boost his ego a bit, kiss him for no reason, slap his butt as you pass, Relationships need to be WORKED AT, they don't just fall into place magically once you're married (as I'm sure you've found out!) Leave notes for him to find in his briefcase or his pocket. "Can't wait to get you home tonight" "Missing you heaps" "I thought of you today and it made me smile".
When he comes home one night give him a present. Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: I know a great Masseur. For an appointment ring: (Your Phone Number). Create some love coupons that your partner can exchange for romantic favours. View this link for some examples.
http://www.theromantic.com/lovecoupons.htm
You see, if you want to keep the marriage alive then you need to work at it. If you make him feel special then he will WANT to do more for you and he'll and because you're making him feel loved and attractive then he'll want to reciprocate and make YOU feel loved back in return.
Put you AND his past wrongs behind you and concentrate on moving on. If you really love him and want to save your marriage then a bit of effort from you (to begin with) will work wonders and if he really does love you then it won't be long before he's bonding closer to you and things improve greatly.
Good luck! :o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): If you can forget about it and can call it a one off then you don't need to tell your husband. But, if the guilt is getting too much for you and it would feel like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders then tell him. He might not like it at first but once you have gone through with him the reason why you did what you did with your new friend he might be able to forgive you, after all you managed to forgive him for his affair a while back. Hope it works out the way you want it to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): miss, do you want a honest answer or some girly flannel? okay rats here it is from a concerned man. in just 3 years you have both cheated on each other- irrelevant who first and what degree,dont confuse the issue by justifications and comparisons- he is either not interested or just plain selfish and useless sexually for you...anything else ?! if this was a friend talking what would you feel about the compatibility of the couple? stand back and re-read your piece,please for your sake. you say he shows improvement signs,but has before and slipped quickly back- why permanent now ? normally i say NEVER confess but you know what? -- do it. see if it unites or ... well be strong x
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