A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this really great guy online several months ago. He recently had back surgery, and during his recovery we have become closer friends. We text and phone every day. He is still recovering from the surgery. We see each other approximately every week to every other week depending on his pain, as he is still recovering. We go out to eat usually and spend hours talking and laughing. My friends all swear he likes me. He returns the support I show for him, and seems to care about me just as much. It's not a one-sided friendship. Last week we were alone together at my home for the first time, and he seemed kind of nervous like he was afraid I would kiss him. He is kind of shy when it comes to women. I've developed a crush on him. Should I tell him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have written a new question on this situation regarding New Year's and a possible stalled opportunity.
A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (15 December 2010):
Reading your reply was lovely. You seem so much to be on the right track, and I think you've met the right match. Hope everything works out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. It's nice to get a male perspective on this situation.
He's actually younger than I am, and there is something in his past that I think is holding him back, as well as his postoperative situation. It's true we haven't spent much face time, although it is planned to do so once he's back on his feet more. We live about 50 miles apart right now, but his job is actually fairly close to my home.
You convinced me I'm on the right track with letting him make the moves. I have been trying to let him take the lead and giving him the signals that it's okay. We spend a lot of late nights on the phone talking for hours, so each week I think we know each other better. I'm also loving being chased, and the last thing I want to do is scare him. He's a keeper.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (14 December 2010):
I believe most guys, especially shy ones, don't respond to forward advances by women so well. Most men want to chase, not to be chased. Try to use your femine wiles to get him to go after you and to kiss you. Not the other way around.
I'm sure he knows you like him and I would suggest you not telling him. Instead, try to find a few activities or interests that he knows well. That might break his shyness and go after you more.
From you note it seems like you haven't spent a ton of time together alone in a closed. He might just need more time to be more confident.
But considering his age, there might be something in his past that might be slowing him down from going after you. I think that can be found out in a late night, no-pressure chat. It'll bring you closer together too.
The good news is that many successful relationships have been in the same place you are now, so don't worry too much. Just try and be patient, but do thngs to spur him on to go after you. Good luck.
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