A
female
age
41-50,
*atashaK
writes:I really need some advise without being judged because my guilt is turning into depression and I really don't know what to do at this point.I cheated on my husband with our neighbor.It all stems from a few months ago when my husband and I were fighting all the time over the fact that he was neglecting me and our son (11).He was jobless at the time because he got fired from his last job.Then the only things he was doing was hanging out with his friends,drinking beer,spending countless times on his phone and so on.He would get home drunk at very late hours sometimes and would wake us up and he even hit me a couple of times.I tried talking to him many times,even started looking for a job for him because he wasn't even bothered to do that when he clearly should have instead of doing what he was doing.One night I went out on the balcony to smoke and just ponder my life and everything so my neighbor just happened to be on his balcony as well.We greeted each other and eventually indulged in a nice conversation.At one point he was complaining about how noisy my husband and I were but then he said he was joking.He was/is 24(11 years younger than me and 16 years younger than my husband).That night just before we were both going to go back inside he complimented me.He said I looked sexy.At that time my heart was melting and obviously I was very well surprised.He was/is a very handsome gentleman.It was the first time I'd been complimented in a long time because all I'd been getting lately were insults and accusations courtesy of my husband.It all happened the following day.After I took the kid to daycare he met me again,this time at my door.I was carrying some bags so he offered to help me.I said there was no need but he still helped me.He didn't waste any time complimenting me again.We ended up kissing and I honestly tried turning him down but there was a spark so none of us could resist the temptation.We didn't have sex because I told him my husband could have gotten home earlier so instead he ate me out and then I gave him a blowjob.He came in my mouth and when he ate me out I had an orgasm-something I hadn't had in a long time for obvious reasons.Ever since that day I've been feeling guilty.Now my husband has a new job and I've been avoiding our neighbor and he's not a jerk he won't tell my husband but I still feel guilty because I know I'm not a slut.I don't know what I was thinking and quite frankly as bad as my husband was he was always faithful.Should I tell him or should I not?
View related questions:
blow-job, cheated on my husband, drunk, kissing, orgasm, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): Hi, I believe you should tell him. Just because it is the right thing to do.Two wrongs don't make a right-the fact that he was violent or behaved like a right ass,does not give you the right/excuse to cheat on him.The guilt is already eating you up and turning you into someone you are not.I would say tell him-not only because it is right to tell him,but also because it seems that will be the only thing that would assuage your guilty mind.Word of warning-do it in a very,very public space (restaurant?) and have the police number on speed dial in case he gets violent.Also, have an EXIT plan-what will you do? Where will you and your son live? How will you make sure he doesn't find you?Everyone is thinking of how you suffered at his hand-you know what I am thinking? You are AllowinG your little boy to think that this is ok. That daddy treating mummy this way it's ok.And one day he might grow up to do it too...To you,or to someone else? Is that what you want for your boy?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): If the fear of physical violence is a good reason to keep quiet, then why wasn't it a good enough reason not to cheat in the first place?
If your good reasoning only kicks in when it supports what you want to do, then it is not good reasoning. It is making excuses.
OP, your husbands is not a good husband. I suggest you leave. But if you aren't going to leave him (TODAY) then he is owed the truth. The whole truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): Cheating is wrong but so is going out all night, drinking, getting fired and all the rest of the stuff you say he's done. I know you feel guilty and wrong but he's behaved badly too. I wouldn't tell him about what you've done as he's hit you in the past and will probably do the same if he finds out about this.Cheating is nowhere near as bad as hitting your partner, male or female, nobody has the right to ever do that to anybody. I've been cheated on and physically abused and had a partner who drunk and stayed out all night and did whatever he wanted and being hit was the worst of it all.Just for your own safety please don't tell him. If you want to work on your relationship just forget about this and make sure it never happens again. Although I don't think you should be with him any more, but that's your decision
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2015): Tell him. He has the right to know. You have no right to keep it from him. You're making him live a lie.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): No amount of "he is a bad husband" is going to convince me that it's okay to cheat on him and lie about it.
Some people say physical violence is the ultimate betrayal? Well some people say cheating is the ultimate betrayal too. I have been dealt some of both in my life and I think the cheating hurt much worse.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 So far the advice you received is based on the assumption that you should, or should want, to save your marriage.
But "... and he even hit me a couple of times ".
Fine- then basically you have no marriage anymore, it ìs over, or it SHOULD be over. Physical abuse is the ultimate dealbreaker . Your husband crossed a line which should also be, for anybody with a bit of self esteem and a normal self preservation instinct, a point of no return. You would not keep at home a rabid dog who's already attacked you twice, I suppose.
So I advise you instead to tell him the truth, in the hope that HE may decide to call it quits and leave you, since apparently you don't feel it in you yet to terminate what unluckily has become a mockery of marriage. I mean, he hits you !, you cheat on him.... that may be about passion, perhaps, or habit, or other things, but it has got very little to do with the essence itself of marriage .
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 There are moral purists who say that your husband deserves to know the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. If your husband leaves you because of it, oh well, because married couples must always tell truth to one another.
Others would claim that people can always remain silent and thus not self-incriminate. Staying silent is not lying because you are telling no truth, no lie.
Still others look at it from the angle of why tell when the only gain is even more pain, to your husband and from your husband. Would telling your husband erase your feeling that you are a slut or will it confirm that? It will neither free you from that sense and what do you gain from getting your husband to confirm.
So you find yourself among this moral trilemma and decide what rings most true to your moral standing. That will be the correct answer for you only... then live with those consequences.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (7 December 2015):
 From what you have said. You do not seem to be in a healthy relationship with your husband at the moment. Telling him will only justify his accusations and insults. He is not going to reason with you.
Please do not tell him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 I don't think that telling your husband is going to improve anything. Sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.
You have to be careful not to let this happen again. The thing about infidelity, no matter what people say is that you have already done it in your head before it actually happens.
So your priority must be sorting out your marriage. Do you see a hope of that working? If not I don't advise anyone to stay in a loveless marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (7 December 2015):
If you you want to stay with your husband, the answer is no. Don't tell him. It will only create problems and lead to a worse life than you have now.
...............................
|
