A
female
age
36-40,
*habana47
writes:I've been sort of seeing this man for the past 5 or so months...we never slept together but the chemistry was so there-it was on a mental level maybe the most intense relationship I've ever had. Part of the reason is he's 15 years older than me (I'm 24) and he has had bad past experiences dating younger women not to mention a messy divorce about ten years ago, part of the reason was we knew each other from work and didn't want to mess that up either, and part of the reason was that I was moving (and did move) a month ago. I also didn't want to force him to make a decision or get serious because I knew I was moving away and I don't think its fair for either of us to have to deal with such a long distance relationship. When we were in the same town we saw each other almost every day, talked about everything, and got really close. Since I moved we talk on the phone, but I noticed that more and more I was the one calling him, not the other way around. When he does call it's always after he's gone out for a few drinks with his friends. Whenever we talk he is ridiculously sweet and kind and supportive, tells me I'm gorgeous, tells me he adores me and misses me, wants to know when I'm coming back, says he is going to try to visit me and so on. But then he'll ignore me until either I call him or he's gone out again. Since I last talked to him (and he talked about coming out to visit etc. etc.) I've also sent him two emails (one work-related) and he hasn't replied or called. It's been a week and I'm really upset that he can't even bother to reply to my emails, let alone pick up the phone. I'm also honestly trying to meet other men in my new town and get over him (even though he means a lot to me and I want to stay friends), but it's not that easy with my busy job and frankly I'm not even that interested. I guess my question is, should I compromise and give him a call, should I ignore him forever, should I tell him I'm upset with him, or something else I haven't thought of? I know that right now this relationship is not workable, but I don't want to rule things out in the future either. Help, I'm going insane!!
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female
reader, hannahgolightly  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Hello,
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling as something similar is happening with me at the moment. It sounds to me as if your man is aware that the chance of a 'real' relationship with you had gone when you moved away. He sounds like he is weaning himself off his attachment to you, by stopping himself calling you. This puts him in control as he can stop calling you, while still being able to talk to you when you call him. It sounds like he calls you in a moment of weakness, when he has been drinking and his resolve is not as strong. Take it as a compliment that he finds it hard to let go of you, but be smart and look for ways to let go of him. You have to accept that you cannot be together right now unless you are prepared to move back to where he lives. I suggest that you go forward with your life and use this experience to know what to look for in your next boyfriend.
A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 You should e-mail him and tell him his lack of response hurts you. Then depending on his reply (if he reply's) go from there.
But really I would forget about being in a relationship with him. Being his friend maybe if he responds. Though it sounds like he is not that interested in you and maybe calls you when he is drunk to show off to his friends? I don't know but I wouldn't waste your time on him.
Good Luck!
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