A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey dear agony aunts^^ i had made a question some days ago about how to tell all the people that wanna set me up with guys to leave me alone. well i finally got the edge to that but i think of coming out anyway. see my dad and i had a talk just now and i get the feeling that he already knows. i had clues he knew before and he might even has seen me with one of my past girlfriends. today we were talking about some stuff that happened(i fad a major fight with my brother because he treats me as a child) and my dad said that he knows me and my brother well, that he knows us better than we know ourselves. so i told him that there is a big part of me and my life he doesn't know and probably never hear about, and he said "are you sure? i sometimes even know what you are going to say before you say it". i told him that i am sure and i was ready to spontaneuselly come out when my mom walked in so i couldn't(her health is fragile and she is homophobic) i have many more clues that show he might know, but i am not sure really... should i come out and risk not being supported to go to this new college, and maybe even lose my family? or should i stay put and let this matter eat me?... as i don't have a girl right now i don't need to come out but i think it is time(if i tell them when i am in a relationship they may hate my gf and i don't want that.) oh and their ages are dad 72 years old and mom 63 years if that helps. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): I agree with mizz butterflies, why tell them. You already know how they feel about gays so why open up that can of worms especially if u still reside in their home n they support u financially. Some things are better left unsaid for the greater good of things. U risk more speaking than holding your peace. Maybe make friends with gay friendly ppl so u don't feel so alone n burdened. It'll work out. I suggest though that u sit tight for the health of your family. Your mom will be devastated wondering where did she go wrong. So pls spare them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): Come out. I understand that you are worried about your perants reactions but if you believe that your dad may already know and he hasnt said anything, maybe he is just waiting for you to open up. Maybe talk to your dad first and see whether he thinks you should talk to your mum, your perants are your perants whether you are gay, straight, black, white, two or twenty! If your sexuality changes that, sorry to say you may be well rid. You have to live your life for you, not in fear of other people, as hard as that may be! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 dont tell them. theres absolutely no reason. if theyre traditional enough to ARRANGE a marriage for u, if u tell them ur gay they will either a) get a heart attack b) disown you. both options aren't options. Just do what u like and go to that college. better yet, convince them to let u go abroad.
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A
female
reader, redfoo  +, writes (11 January 2012):
I really feel for you as that must be a horrible situation to be in. Why not just tell your dad and see where that goes? by the sounds of that conversation he already knows and nothing bad came of it. I fear that if you keep leaving it, the harder it it'll be and then you risk spending the rest of your life pretending to be someone your not. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out great for you...
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 January 2012):
 If they have a problem with your sexuality and they want to hate you then they are not your family.
You are not attracted to guys, simple as that. Do you need to drop a bombshell on your mother? No. If she is going to be a drama queen and stress to the point of death, then clearly don't.
However, you can do two things. One, come out of the closet and not have it leaked to your mother, or you can tell them that you are not interested in being set up and you can help yourself.
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