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Should I come clean to my boss, who is my father-in-law?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 October 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2014)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone, I need your advice on this. I have been working with my father in-law's company for close to three years and ever since I joined, I have turned a few things around. The company is now doing great and I have been complimented on a job well done.

But I now feel guilty because I have been benefiting through collusion with suppliers. I don't want to call it kickbacks because I think it isn't. What happened is, I had to cancel most of the previous suppliers because they were too expensive and were costing the company fortunes. It was one of the reasons it wasn't doing very well. So I did a lot of research on the market and got some suppliers who were willing to supply at favourable and competitive prices. I should admit some became friends and asked me to be part of their businesses, and I now profiteer and make some good bucks from this.

I now feel guilty that my wife and my father in-law aren't aware of this. If my wife was to learn of it, she would hate me and tell me to stop immediately. She believes I shouldn't be involved in any kind of such business with the company and I should strictly be an employee.

The supplies to the company have always been of good quality and timely because I am indirectly part of the suppliers. I have even been able to save my full salary for now 10 months towards the mortgage and my in-laws are very pleased with me for that. One may wonder how I am surviving, but I also have some small side businesses whom everyone knows, so they think that is how I am surviving.

Out of guilt, I offered to resign and go into private business at the end of this year, but instead my salary was increased and even given extra duties to run another company which is coming up. I am very grateful to my boss (father in-law) but at the same time feel he deserves to know the truth. He now treats me like his own son and this is worsening my guilt. Should I come clean aunties or do you think that whatever I am doing is right and should keep it that way???

Many thanks for taking your time to read this, and thanks in advance for all your responses.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks a lot for your feedback. The business doesn't supply above the market rates and I invested in it one year after contracting them. They ran short of funds because the demand was more. I could have no problem with it, but my wife seems to be having any of it. I have tried explaining to her indirectly and she seems not to buy the idea.

Thanks a lot for your responses good people.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2014):

Does the business supply to the company at above market rates? Did you invest before giving them the contract?

If you answer yes to these things you are in trouble. If no then you aren't necessarily. Disclosure is important. If you are government department then it would be forbidden if private then it isn't necessarily bad. I would talk to the father in law and explain you have bought into the business. You will use your position to ensure supply is at a level that will be mutually beneficial. Explain that as it is an investment rates will continue to be set by market and not subsidized. Chosen supplier will be for the benefit of his company.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dear anonymous, thanks a lot for taking time to give me such a wonderful reply. Truth is, there is no way the suppliers can divulge the information to the company because they know that would mean the end of business with the company. I now feel much better after receiving all this encouraging advice from you guys. I actually wanted to quit and go into similar business (supplying to the company as a full time job) but my father in-law said I could still retain my job and try to develop the other business while retaining this job. He is not yet aware that I have actually been in the business, so I will actually keep quiet and continue making every effort to improve the company.

I can't thank you enough guys, thanks a lot everyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014):

Just be wary. The longer this goes on, the worse it will be IF it all comes out... Can you not delicately test the waters by seeing a reaction from your father-in-law if you say you've been offered "such and such" by "company XYZ"...

Just be careful there is not anyway the suppliers could disclose this to your father in law - which would mean it all his the fan!

If you are certain that the suppliers will keep quiet, and that the only way they'd know is if YOU told them, then maybe you can live with it. It's not like you're taking their money, or cheating on someone...what you've done I'm sure occurred because you built up a good rapport with the suppliers and is a reflection of hard work. There are worse secrets someone could have!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks a lot Hugh of Avalon for your feedback. 1st of all, I would say my job is "cushier" as well. It is true we have children here, but truth is my involvement has made the company what it is. It is just difficult to trust suppliers and that was the reason I had to get so much involved.

My heart tells me I must come clean, but my head tells me not too for the obvious reasons stated above. But with time, I think I may learn to live with this. Many thanks again Hugh!

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